


A Warden's Heart

by andersgirl8807



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Action, Angst, Brother-Sister Relationships, F/M, Fluff, Love, Romance, Sexual Content, Spirits, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-07 20:22:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 27,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4276713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andersgirl8807/pseuds/andersgirl8807
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Johanna has no last name, no true family and no memory of her life before being brought to the Ferelden circle. Can she find not only the secrets of her mysterious past but also love. My original character story and because I fell in love with Carver. Enjoy!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When Eyes First Meet

It was early afternoon when the small group exited the Hangedman and the summer heat had already turned Kirkwall's Lowtown in of to a melting pot unwashed bodies and piss. Carver Hawke hated Kirkwall, everything about the city made him sick. Most of all he hated the fact that after a whole year of being in this Maker for saken place he was still living in his older sister's shadow. 

Growing up Epthny and his twin sister Bethany were both the favorites of their father, them being mages like Malcolm. Carver had always felt the outsider in the family. The lone warrior in a house full of mages was not what he would call being special and as a boy he always seemed to be on his own. Epthny was the star of the family and when Malcolm died it was her that he left in charge of taking care of her mother and the twins. And now he was stuck with her, trying to make enough money to get in on venture to the Deep Roads. And if luck would have it he would make a name for himself.

The siblings had just picked up their new business partner an odd surface darwf named Varric and were on their way to meet up with their friend Aveline in Hightown when the sound of a woman crying for help floated out of a near by allyway. 

The oldest Hawke looked to Carver and he could see trouble written all over his sister's face as she took off down the side street. "Off to rescue the damsel it is!" Shouted Varric over his shoulder to Carver as he toar off after Hawke. Like we don't have better things to be doing with our time, Carver thought to himself reaching a hand up to remove the greatsword from his back. 

When the group came to a small courtyard at the end of the ally Carver moved to stand beside Hawke who had stopped at the opening to the courtyard. A group of five large well armed and unsavory looking men stood in a circle around a young woman who was trying to dart out between men. Carver made to step forward but was stopped by Varric's arm in his gut. The larger man started to protest but the drawf just smiled and pointed to the scene playing out in front of them. 

One of the men had a firm grip on the woman's upper arm and was turning her to face the rest of his men. "Look what we've got her boys. A sweet little flower for the Vents. You will fetch a good price my lady." The man, clearly the leader of the group, said as he picked up a hand full of her hair, lifted it to his nose and inhaled deeply. "Delicious smelling too. How bouts a taste sweet thing."

"Get you hands off me!" The girl yelled, twisting her arm in the man's grip. Laughter erupted from the group of slavers echoing off the stone walls. "Fiesty little thing ain't she boys?", said the leader as his free hand began to travel slowing south down the girls chest and stomach making his way to the hem of her skirt. The site made Carver's stomach turn and once again he made a move to stop the men before they violated the girl any further. 

The events that happened next seemed to go by in slow motion. A purple light seemed to raidate from the girls hands and before the man holding her could react lighting encircled her arm and ran up his whole body. The man let out a blood curteling scream and released her. As soon as she was free the girl brought up her knee and planted it in the man's crouch causing him to fall to his knees cupping his manhood just in time for her to bring back her fist and punch him square in the nose. Even from where he was standing Carver could hear the sound of bone crunching. The slaver fell to the dirt blood pouring from his now broken nose. 

While Carver stood in awe at the display of strength the beautiful woman had just performed one of the other slavers rushed her from behind a knife in hand. "Mage whore" yelled the man as the girl spun in time to dogde his blade. Before Carver could react Varric let loose a blot from his crossbow, dropping the man in his tracks. Hawke ran forward sending a storm of ice from her staff at one of the remaining thugs. Carver fast stepped and bringing his greatsword in a arc cleved another one in the chest as his sister sent a wave of icy spikes to impale the last man in the head. The whole battle last mere seconds. 

"Well that's a great way to get the blood flowing. Wouldn't you say Jounir?" Varric laughted, slaping the younger Hawke on the back. "Are you alright serah?" Carver ask, walking over to the girl as he slung his weapon on to his shoulder. The girl turned to face him and dazzling emarld green eyes meet amber brown. Carver had never seen a creature so beautiful in all his nineteen years of life. Her skin was sun kissed olive toned and her long hair fell in waves of auburn curls down her slender back. 

She smiled at him and the light from it would make Andraste herself envious. "I thank you messer. I truly don't believe I could have handled all of them alone." Carver stood before her with what he knew had to be a stupid look on his face unable to make his mind and mouth work together to form words.

"You're a mage!" He blurted out and instantly wanted to kick himself in the head. Maker's balls! There were just somethings you didn't say out loud in Kirkwall not with templars prowling the streets ready to drag away any apastates off to the Gallows. Carver found he could not bear the idea of this woman being made tranquil.

To Carver's great relief the girl simply smiled and laughed the sound of it was musical. "Caught that did you? Yes I am. Hope that's not a problem. Me being a dreaded rouge mage." She said still smiling. "No! I mean of course not. I mean well.." Maker kill me now! He thought. Another laugh came from the woman and she covered her perfect mouth with a delacet hand. Now he could feel the warmth creeping up his neck and spreading over his face.

"So do my great rescuer's have names?" She asked in a singsong voice that made Carver want nothing more than to hear it all the time. "Oh! My name is Carver and this is my older sister Hawke and that is Varric." He said waving to the others without taking his eyes from hers.

"I prefer the handsome lovable storyteller myself." Chimed in Varric from somewhere behind him. "It's a pleasure to meet you all. I was on my way home when these blighters ganged up on me. I am right sure my brother is going to have a kitten if I don't get back soon. Thank you again to all of you." She said now looking past Carver at the others. She turned to leave when Carver's mind finally start working again. "I should walk you home. You shouldn't be out on these streets alone." He all but yelled after her as he stepped in front of her to block the exit to the street. "Thank you for worrying about me but I assure you I will be fine. The entrance to Darktown is not far from here." 

"I won't take no for an anwser." Carver replied taking her arm in his and leading her down the path back to the main street. "I'll caught up with you in Hightown sister." He called back to Hawke as he walked way with the mystery woman. 

"Have you ever seen Jounir smile like that before?" Asked Varric, coming to stand at Hawke's elbow. "Not in a long time." She said softly with a small smile pulling at the corners of her fair mouth. "But I could bet you I know what it means."


	2. A Walk Among the Chains

The couple walked along the Lowtown market streets in relative silence for a time. Boy and girl stealing odd glances at one another and opening mouths just to close them again without saying a word. For ten minutes or so they carried on in this mannor till the quite became unbearable. 

"So..." He started nervously. "Does my mystery lady have a name? Or should I make one up for her?" The sunden break in the silence took her off guard and she paused in her tracks looking up into his deep amber eyes. Maker he is handsome. She thought as her eyes began to roam his body, taking in every inch of his well built frame. Her eyes stopped at his muscular chest and arms and for the briefest of seconds she could see them wrapped around her holding her small figure tightly to his chest. 

She could feel the flush creeping on to her cheeks as the image began to fade away. Now she looked over Carver's face, drinking in the well defined cheek bones strong chin and surprisingly soft lips. A new picture evaded her mind of those lips. First on her own and then moving to her jaw, her neck, wisphering her name.

Her name!! He had asked her for her name. Shyly she duck her head down allowing her long hair to hide the honey glow in her face. "Johanna." She said under breath not looking at him. "But people call me Jo." She added. "Johanna." He repeated, seeming to test the sound of it. "It's lovely. Is it a family name?" He asked. 

Jo looked at him now, wondering just how much she should tell him of her past. After a second she besided that the odds of ever seeing him again were rather low and that most likely he was only asking to be palite. With a shurg she tossed the rest of her hair over her shoulders and let out a breath Jo did not realize she had been holding.

"No. No it is not. The first enchanter of my old circle gave it to me when I arrived." Jo answered. "I didn't know they changed peoples names when they are brought to the circles. Wow." Carver replied, and Maker help him, there was hurt in his gentle eyes. 

"Well they don't actually. I- I don't remember my name from before then. In fact..." She paused oncen again to exhale looking down at her feet. "I don't know anything of my life before the templars found me." When Johanna looked into Carver's face again she found a sadness there that she had not been expecting. "I'm... I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have asked." Carver said, bringing one large hand up to rub the back of his neck and casting his eyes down.

Johanna started to walk again mostly to hide the tears that were gathering at the corner of her eyes. Only three other people in her life knew of her origins, or lack there of, and they were first enchanter Irving, and her two "brothers". When Carver had caught up with her, Johanna fourced a smile and continued her tale.

"It's alright Carver, you didn't know. I mean I was six years old when I was sent to the circle in Feralden. A hunter found me unconscious in the middle of the forest. They said that when he tried to pick me up lightning poured from my body." She peeked at him from around her waterfall of hair. "He wasn't hurt, at least the templars told me he wasn't hurt. Anyways, the templars came and carried me off to the circle and when I woke up I couldn't remember anything. So Irving gave me a name." She finished in a rush. 

After a moment Caver laughed and Johanna glanced at him confused. The tall warrior smiled down at her and said "Well I like it. You said you have a brother, does he not know your really name either?" It was Johann's trun to laugh now. She squeezed her eyes shut and thru her head back causing her to not see the wooden crate in the street. Her foot hit the side of the crate and she raised her hands to brace for impact with the stone road. But next thing she knew, a strong pair of arms engulfed her waist, pulling her back and against a toned chest. 

Carver held her close for just a heartbeat of time. She could feel the warmth of his body and hear the hammering of his heart matching the speed of her own. He released her slowly, as if he did not want her to leave his embrace nor did she want to. Pulling back and straightening her skirts, Jo started to laugh again. "Yes well Anders is not really my blood brother. Him and his friend, Karl, are both mages. They are a few years older than me and kind of took me in when I first got to the tower. They became like my family and watched over me."

"How old are you? I mean - you don't look that old. I mean- Urg! Maker's balls! I think I'll just stop talking now." Carver said, covering his handsome features behind a hand. Johanna smiled to herself. "I'm eighteen." She said trying her best to suppress the fit of giggles threatening to escape her lips. It's so cute when he stumbles on his words like that.

Carver removed his face from hiding and stared down at her. He was at least a foot taller than her own five feet and seven inches. "That's great! I mean I'm tweenty, or well I well be in a month." She smiled up at him and realized that this man standing before her was trying to flirt. So this whole "I'll walk you home" acted was not just him trying to be nice. For a moment Johanna considered reaching up and just kissing him. 

"Johanna! There you are! Anders has been going crazy worrying about you. He has haft of the refugees out looking for you." An older man with grey hair and drity clothing came running up to the pair. "He is always over reacting!" She huffed, rolling her eyes. "Thank you Dustin. I'll head back in just a minute." She said sweetly to the man she recognized as one of Anders' helpers. 

The man about-faced and headed back the way he'd came. Johanna sighed and turned back to face Carver. "I should go. At this rate he may never let me leave his sight ever again." Then she stood up on her tippy toes, placed a hand on his chest to brace herself, and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. "Thank you again for being my knight in shining armor." She said, lifting her free hand to brush his raven black hair out of his eyes. "If you're ever in the undercity look me up. We could take a walk and see the great view of the city's chains." 

Without waiting for him to respond, Johanna turned on her heels and ran the rest of the way to her home in Darktown, all the while committing Carver Hawke to memory. In her heart she knew that she would never see him again and that thought made her tears come back anew.


	3. Second Chances

Johanna slowed her pace down to a brisk walk when the stairs that lead to the clinci came into view. Allowing herself to drift into a daydream of her galint knight, she climbed the stairs up to the landing. The image of Carver standing in the middle of the street where she had left him wearing a mixed look of utter tranquility and complete shock flooded her mind. The scene played out over and over again in her mind, making her want to sing and fixing a wide grin on her face. It was not until her hand reached out for the door handle that Johanna noticed the lantern, that signaled the clinci was opened, had been dowst early. 

Well, shit! I'm in trouble this time. She thought to herself as she braced for the malestorm awaiting her inside. Inhaling deeply Jo pushed open the door and stepped into the small clinic Anders and she called home. It wasn't much to look at, just a few worn cots, a deck pushed to the side where Anders worked on his manifesto, and a small table where they kept there healing herbs and bandages. There was a tattered curtain that seperated the main room from their shared living quarters which featured two small cots, a tin wash tub, and a chest that contained their personal items. 

Johanna looked around the poorly lite room but Anders was no where to be see. Walking over to one of the empty cots she shruged off her satchel and let it drop to the surface. Stretching her arms up over her head she walked towards the back room. Just as her hand touched the makeshift door the fabric ripped open reviling a rather unhappy looking Anders. 

He stood in the door way, a hand on ethier side of the frame, blocking her path. His long blonde hair had fallen from it's normally neat ponytail and he wore a look like a man on the edge of a full on mental break down. His honey colored eyes wildly ran up and down her body. " Where in the Maker's damned name have you been?! I've been going out of my mind with worry!" He shouted. 

"Nice to see you too, brother." Johanna replied, fixing him with a winning smile and ducking under his arm to enter the room. "You told me to go get more elfroot. Plus we needed food." She said, throughing herself down onto her bed. "You've been gone for three hours! And what happened to your arm?" Johanna pushed herself up on the cot and looked at her right arm where he was pointing. For the first time she noticed the rather nasty looking cut that ran down her forearm and a fair number of finger sized bruses. Shit how had she missed that? Well there was no down playing the events of the afternoon now. 

"Don't freak out Anders, it wasn't templars. You know better than anyone that I can take care of myself in a fight. You can't keep me locked up down here all the time." Jo said as cheerfully as she could manage. But her words did nothing to tame the anger and concern written clear on her brother's face. 

"One, I wouldn't have to worry as much when you go out if you would take your staff with you." Anders said rather calmly as he came to kneel by her bed. He placed a hand on her injured arm and a faint blue glow flowed from his fingers. In seconds her skin knitted together and the only reminder of the wound was a thin pale red line. "And two." He said softly taking her hand in his. "I would never forgive myself if anything ever happened to you. After what happened to you when I left... I just will not let something like that be repeated." He reached up with his other hand and gentally tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. 

"I'm sorry I made you worry." She said after a minute. Her mind took her back to the event that he was speaking of and she squeezed her eyes tight to block out the memory. "Could I tell you something without you losing it?" Johanna asked, bitting her bottom lip. Anders stood and gave her a hand to help her to her feet. "When you say things like that I know I'm going to hate it." He said laughing. "Come on. You can tell me everthing while we eat. I'm starving!" 

As they settled down to a meager meal of stall bread and apples, Johanna relaied her tale of the day. Anders wasn't happy hearing about the slavers but when she got to her favorite part he started to smile. 

"Hawke you said? I've heard that name around Darktown. She's known for being one of the Red Iron's hiried thugs." He said rather drily when she had completed her story. "But tell me more about this boy." 

"Carver." Johanna said slowly. "And he is her younger brother. Tall, charming, with jet black hair and amber eyes and... What?" She paused placeing her hands on her hips and fixing him with a "I dare you to say something" stare. Anders was watching her with a wide grin on his face. "Oh, nothing at all. You just have a little drool running down the corner of you mouth that's all." He said with a smirk. "I do not!" She scoffed, tossing the apple core in her hand at his head, which he bearly dodge, laughing. 

"I'm not saying anything at all, but you seem to have eyes for this boy." He said still smiling at her. Johanna closed her eyes and smiled recalling the feel of Carver's hard body against her hand. The sound of his voice rang in her ears and the scent of his skin, a mix of man, sea water, and steel, filled her nose. She could see herself fitting perfectly into his arms as he held her close. She wondered what his lips would feel like against hers. What his kiss would taest of?

Anders coughed bringing her back to earth and reddness crept up her chest and covered her face. Johanna had never once felt like this about anyone before. Was love at first sight even real outside of fairy tales? 

"I think I'm going to bed." She said standing up so fast she sent the remaining apples in he lap scattering across the clinic floor. "It wouldn't matter if I did like him anyways. It's not like I'll ever see him again." She said bitterly as she made her way to their bedroom. "Don't stay up all night writing please." She added stopping at the curtain and turning to look at Anders. "You didn't come to bed at all last night." 

"I'll try not to Jo. And you never know sweetheart, anything can happen. You may see him again." Anders reassured. Coming to stand in front of her he placed a hand under her chin and lifting her head to look at her face. "Any man alive that would want to be with you would anything to find you." He leaned down and brushed his lips across her forehead. "Sweet dreams, sweetheart." 

That night, as Johanna's dream self walked the fade, see saw Carver. Every demon took his form. They called to her with his voice and promised her his love. But she was not weak. I'll see him again, and it will be without your help. 

 

           


	4. Nothing Without Love

It had been two weeks. Two long and near unbearable weeks since their first meeting, and Carver couldn't get her out of his head. When he would lay in his bunk in the house him, Hawke and their mother shared with their uncle, he would close his eyes and replay the walk they had. Picturing Johanna's beautiful face. Her long auburn hair curly down to the middle of her back. Her bright green eyes full of life looking into his soul. Her soft rosey lips on his cheek when she had kissed him. 

Everyday after that he looked, hoping to find her again. Every glimpse of auburn hair out of the corner of his eye would send his heart into overdrive. Varric and Hawke had given him a hard time when he had finally caught up with them and Aveline on the steps to the Vicecount's keep. 

"Oh shut up!" He spat at his sister when she laughed at he's retaling of their walk. Of course the great and might Hawke would make fun of him for this. Everything was a joke to her! Never once had she ever had a serious lover, and Carver hated how easily she could dismiss her feelings.

The days poured by and Carver was starting to lose hope of ever seeing Johanna again. Until luck, or maybe the Maker, gave him a break at last. After a contact of Varric's had given them some information on a grey warden living somewhere in Kirkwall, the gang found themselves in a cramped store front flooded by other refugees talking to the shopkeeper. All in the hopes that this warden would have maps of the Deep Roads.

The woman was going on about the man being a healer in the undercity and him being a mage. "Great!" Carver groaned. "Another delacet mage flower." Without missing a beat Hawke stomped his toes and said, "Your healer has nothing to fear from us. We only want to ask him some questions." 

The woman crossed her arms and looked Hawke up and down before sighing. "I suppose it's not really my secret to keep. Anders' certainly has been free enough with his services. The refugees in Darktown know to find the healer just look for the lite lantern. If you have need enough, Anders will be within." 

Anders. Why does that name sound... And then if hit Carver like a gust of wind. ANDERS WAS JOHANNA'S BROTHER! Carver's heart jumped at the thought of finally see Johanna again and has they left the shop he cunjured up things he would say to her. He was so preoccupied by his daydream that he did not see the rest of the group stop and ran straight into Aveline's back. Rubbing his head where it had collided with Aveline's shield, Carver looked over the warrior's shoulder to see a group of armed men blocking their path. 

"We heard you in there asking about the healer. We know what happens to mages in this town. And it ain't going to happen to him!" Their ringleader said pointing his sword at them. I so do not have time for this! Carver thought, and stepping around his sister he came to stand in the man's face. 

"You want to keep him alive? Then don't mess with other Fereldens! Caver stapt at the man in a dangerous voice and gabbed the man in his chest. He was too close to finding Johanna that no blighted want to be gang of thugs were going to get in his way. 

"Ferelden?" The man said surprised. "The way your dressed I took you for Kirkwallers. Sorry." He said stepping aside so they could pass. Carver stromed passed him, glareing at the group the whole time and leaving the others to chase him.

"What was that about?" Said Hawke when they caught up with him. "Nothing." He muddered, not breaking his stride. Taking the stairs down to Darktown two at a time, Carver quickened his pass. I'm so close. I'll see her again. 

********************************

"I've made this sanctum a place of healing and salivation. Why do you threaten it?" Ask the man Carver assumed to be Anders. He stood in front of them, a staff in one hand. "Relax, we're just here to talk." Said Hawke. "We're interested in getting into the Deep Roads. Rumor has it you were a warden. Do you know a way?" Varric explained. 

"Did the wardens send you to bring me back? Forget it! Those bastards made me get rid of my cat!" Said Anders. "Poor Ser Pounce A Lot, he hate the Deep roads." After that Carver tuned out the conversation in favor of looking about for Johanna. A elbow to his rid pulled him back to the matter at hand. 

"Although... A favor for a favor. Does that sound like a fair deal?" The mage was saying. "You help me, I'll help you." "Help my expadion reach the Deep Roads, and I'll do anything you want." Hawke replied. "You don't ask for my terms. What if I was asking for the knight commander's head on a spike?" 

"Is that what you ask?" Hawke asked. "You decide." He said smiling. "I came to Kirkwall to aid a friend. A mage, a prisoner in the wretched Gallows. The templars learned of my plan to free him. Help me get Karl safely past them and shall have your maps." 

"I would help any mage in trouble. Maps or no." Hawke said. Carver saw the look in his sister's eyes, she was flirting with the man. "Better make this good. We risk a lot if we anger the templars." Carver said, but he was not saying it for Hawke. If they were caught he wouldn't be able to watch Johanna get the brand. The thought it self sent chills running down his spine. Johann's vibrant green eyes starring blankly at him with a sunburst image burned into her forehead. All her emotions gone. 

As if the thought of her had been a calling, a sheet behind Anders opened up, and there she stood. Carver's hands became sweating and his breathing speed up. Her hair was pulled back into a long braid down her back and she was wearing a pair of tight leather leggings and a red corset top that showed off her slinder waist and curves. Maker she is beautiful. 

"Anders, who are you talking to?" She said, walking up to stand beside her brother. "Carver!" She screamed upon seeing him. Rushing forward she wrapped a hand around his wrist and pulled him to the front of the group. "Anders these are the people that helped me the other day. And this..." She said gesturing to Carver, "is the young gentleman that walked me home." She finished, beaming. 

"What are you doing here? No ones hurt are they?" She asked turn back to Carver, panic lacing her singsong voice. "Oh don't worry there Bright Eyes, we're all as healthy as could be." Varric quipped. "And may I just say how nice it is to see your lovely face again." 

"Oh! You as well messer Varric. Hawke." She said nodding her head to both in turn. When she came around to Aveline Johanna stuck out her hand. "I'm sorry we haven't met." She said with a smile. "My name's Johanna." "Aveline." The woman worrior said taking Johann's offered hand. "Nice to finally meet you. Carver has talk non stop about you." The guard captain added.

"I see you've met my brother." She said cheerfully. Looking at Anders she added, "What's going on?" "They're going to be helping us get Karl." He said not taking his eyes off Carver. Carver had the feeling that the other man disliked him. "Really? That's great news. We could use the help." She cooed. 

"Are you sure it's wise for you to go?" Carver asked, trying his best to hide the worry that was running through him at the idea. "Ugr. Don't be silly. You sound like my brother." Jo said rolling her eyes at him. "Trust me I can handle a few templars. I'm well trained and in more than just magic." She replied. 

Carver couldn't help but smile down at her. "What kind of training?" Aveline asked. "I made sure that Johanna could defend herself with out magic if she had to." Anders answered with a sly grin at her. "A warden friend of mine taught her how to fight and move with daggers. She's pretty good at it to." 

"It's settled then. We will meet the two of you tonight at the chantry." Hawke said. "Meet you there." Anders confirmed. With that Carver watched the others head for the doors. He looked back at Johanna one last time before turning to follow. She stopped him with a light touch of her hand. "Carver wait." She said. Carver turned around just in time to have her jump up and wrap her arms around his neck. 

"I've been praying hard everyday that I would see you again." She whispered in his ear. This close he could make out the spicy scent of rosemary and mint in her hair. The mixture was intoxicating. "As have I." he said smiling into her hair and wrapping his own arms around her waist. Carver dipped his head down to kiss her parted lips, wondering if they would be sweet like her smile or spicy like the smell of her hair. He stopped short, out of the corner of his eye he caught movement. 

Anders was standing behind her, starry daggers at him. Maker's arse! He had been waiting for this moment for the last two weeks. Slowly he released her, reluctantly. "Until tonight Johanna." He said placing a chast kiss on her hand instead. She smiled up at him. "Until tonight Carver." And with that he turned and walked out of the clinic.


	5. Kiss From a Rose

Carver paced the floor of Varric's private room at the Hangedman. They had all agreed to wait at the tavern till sundown when they would leave to meet Johanna and Anders at chantry. Hawke and Varric were both engaged in a game of wicked grace, while Aveline scanned the volumes of books on Varric's table.

"Would you sit down Junior! You'll burn a hole in the floor." Varric joked, pushing out a chair to Carver with his foot. Tossing his hands up, Carver sank into the offered chair with a huff. "Calm down little brother and have a drink." Hawke chimed in, shoving a tankard of ale at him. 

Carver pushed it away. Normally he would have no problem having a drink or two before a mission but this time the thought of not been at his best scared him. What if they had trouble in the chantry? What if something happened to her? No, he needed to be at one hundred percent tonight. 

Not for the first time since leaving the clinic, he drifted back to her. She had been thinking of him. Actually praying to the Maker that she would see him again. He let out a sigh as he conjured up the memory of Johanna hanging from his neck. Her mouth so close he could feel her breath tickling the skin of his neck. Maker she was like a growing addiction that he couldn't deny. This had to be unhealthy. 

He sagged back in the chair and put an arm over his eyes. "Maker's breath Carver! I don't think I've ever seen you like this over a girl before." Hawke chuckled into her ale earning her a death glare from Carver. "Maybe not all of us like to just use people as sex toys then push them to the side like you do!" He growled at her. 

"Or maybe I have better sense than to fall for the first pair of goo goo eyes!" She through back at him, humor still in her voice but not reaching her crystal blue eyes. Carver stood up so fast that his chair knocked over. His fists hit the table with enough fource the tankard of ale spilled over. 

"Will the two of you knock it off already!" Shouted Aveline, both fists on her hips. "This isn't a pissing contest."

The next hour past by in relative silence, and when it came time to move out Carver was happy for the fresh air. They made their way to the chantry in Hightown without a problem. Climbing the stairs to the great doors, Carver tried to steady his racing heart. 

There they stood, haft hidden in the shadows. Anders was pacing in front of Johanna who was leaning against the wall, one foot tucked under her, sharpening a dagger. When she saw him she grinned and placed the dagger in her boot and picked up her staff from where it rested next to her.

"Glad you made it." She smiled at him. "I saw go in a moment age. No templars so far. Are you ready?" Anders asked looking at Hawke. "I didn't see any one suspicious. Let's do this fast." She said looking over her shoulder once more. "Just let me do the talking." Anders said now looking at Jo. "Stay close."

The group entered the chantry, pauseing just inside the doors. "Wow! This place is kind of creepy at night." Johanna said from Carver's right. He watched as she did a gracefull turn on the balls of her feet, taking in every curve of her body. "You're not worng about that Bright Eyes." Varric whispered.

"When we find Karl just let me talk to him." Anders was saying from his spot beside Hawke. They slowly made their way futher into the chatry. Aveline and Varric took up flank, Hawke and Anders lead the way, while Carver stayed close to Johanna. 

Carver's heart felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest. This does not feel right. He thought as they walked up a flight of stairs leading to the Chantry's second level. Johanna seemed to feel his unease, placing a hand on his arm she gave him a reassuring smile. It helped, being close to her seemed to calm him in a way. He smiled back at her as they rounded a corner and came in to a small alcove. 

"Karl!" She and Anders said when the figure of a man came into view. Johanna ran to the man named Karl, but was stopped by Anders arm. Carver's unease came back. Something really wasn't right. 

"Anders I know you too well. I knew you would never give up." The man said in a strange far of voice. "Karl what's wrong? Why are you talking like..." Anders started but the answer was clear as soon as he turned to face them. Johanna let out a gasp, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. 

"I was too rebellious. The templars knew I need to... be made an example of." Karl said and the sunburst brand on his forehead told the whole story. They had made him tranquil. Carver glanced at Johanna, tears were starting to trail down her cheeks and she let out a little sob. Carver's heart was breaking for her. 

"No!" He heard Anders yell. "How would mages ever learn to master themselves. You'll understand Anders, as soon as the templars teach you to control yourself." Karl finished. They all turned to see at least three dozen or more templars converging on them from all sides. 

"These are the apostates." Karl said pointing to Anders and Johanna. Carver unleashed his greatsword with one hand, the other shot out to push Johanna behind him. Next thing he knew, everything went to the void.

"NO!" Anders screamed, falling to his knees. Blue light engulfed him, coming from cracks all along his skin and from his eyes. "Anders, NO! Not now!" Jo yelled as she tried to rush forward. Carver barely had time to grab her arm she moved so fast. He pulled her back to him just as a powerful force of magic burst from Anders, causing the floor to shake. 

"YOU WILL NEVER TAKE ANOTHER MAGE AS YOU TOOK HIM!" Anders' voice seemed to be coming from all around them, echoing off the walls. At that the templars rushed them. As the others ran to met them Carver was torn between joining the charge and protecting Johanna. 

Johanna seemed to make his mind up for him. He watched as she zig zaged around him at lightning speed, her staff in hand. She ran at a group of five templars. Bringing her staff down, she embedded the tip into the floor in front of them. With both hands on the staff, Johanna closed her eyes. 

Carver watched in amazement as lightning erupted from the crystal that sat on top of her staff, striking all five men in the chest. They crumpled to the ground, unmoving. Another man rushed her from the right. Without missing a beat, Johanna spun around her staff that was still stuck in the ground and knock the soldier into a wall with both feet. Landing in a graceful crouch, she drew her dagger from her boot and tossed into another one's thoart.

Carver stared at her in wonder, but was pulled from his daze by a Templar that had gotten around him. Ducking out of the way of the other man's attack, Carver sliced him in the abdomen. The blow had not been a killing one however and the man recovered fast. 

Charging Carver once more the man let out a battle cry that was cut off as all of a sudden he dropped to he's knees. Blood and fire oozed from his neck. Looking up Carver's eyes came to rest on Johanna, a flaming blood stained dagger in hand. 

Tears were still running down her face and her eyes looked blood shot but she still managed to smile at him. What an amazing woman! He had never seen a mage fight like this before, not even Hawke. Carver took a step toward her, his arms stretched out to hold her. 

He felt his heart sink to his stomach as the smile faded from her elagent face and her green eyes widened. She fell to the floor. A Templar emerged from the shadows and now stood over her, blood dripping off the tip of his blade. The world seemed to stop and everything became red. 

"YOU BLIGHTED BASTARD!" He cried, charging the man and impaling him in the gut with his sword. Two more ran at him but he cut them down in seconds. Rage taking control of his body, Carver hacked his way through the remaining templars. 

When the battle was over, he was panting and sweaty and covered in blood. Dropping his sword to the marble floor, Carver rushed to Johanna's side. Falling to his knees he pulled her into his lap. Frantically he began to search for her pulse. 

"Don't you dear die on me." He shouted, his fingers trembling on her neck. THERE IT IS! He thought, finding the right spot at last and feeling the steady beating of her heart. Hanging his head over her's, he closed his eyes a said a prayer to the Maker.   
"Why are you crying?" 

Jumping, Carver looked down into Johanna's smiling face. "I thought I lost you." He said bring a hand up to cup her face and stroke her cheek with his thumb. "Take more than one Templar to do me in." She laughed laceing her fingers with his. They stared at one another for a time before being brought back to the present by approaching footsteps. 

"Are you alright?" Asked Anders, fear written clearly on his face. "Never better." Jo answered as Carver put an arm around her waist and pulled her to her feet. Anders simply nodded at her and walked over to where Karl now stood.

"I...Anders what did you do? It's like...you brought a piece of the fade into this world. I had already forgotten what it feels like." Karl was saying in a normal voice. 

"What did you do...not the fade part but the angery glowing bit?" Hawks asked. Carver rolled his eyes, leave it to his sister to be sarcastic at a time like this. 

"It's like a gateway to the fade is within you. Glowing like a beacon." Karl continued. "I have some...unique circumstances, yes." Anders said under his breath. "But Karl, what happened? How did they get you?" 

"The templars here are far more vigilant that in Ferelden. They found a letter I was writing you." Karl explained. 

"Oh Karl." Johanna sighed. Looking down at her, Carver could see that her tears were flowing once more. Carver tightened his grip on her waist. He wished there was something he could do to for her pain. Slowly he tilted he head and laid a kiss in the curls of her hair. She did not look at him but he felt her fingers squeeze his hand. 

"You cannot imagine it Anders. All the color, all the music in the world gone. I would gladly give up my magic, but this." Karl was saying. "I will never be whole again. Please kill me before I forget again! I don't know how you brought it back but it's fading." He begged. 

"Karl, no." Anders cried, deep sadness darkened his eyes and his voice sounded rough. "I would rather die than be tranquil." Hawke said, resting a hand on Anders shoulder. "Help him." 

"Wait!" Shouted Johanna. "Anders no! No you can't do this!" She lunged out of Carver's arms and pushed her way to stand between Karl and Anders. There was a fire burning behind her and glared at Anders, daring him to move. 

"My sweet Johanna." Karl said. Jo turned to face him and her face softened. Karl reached up and brushed way some hair from her face. Taken both her hand in his his smiled at her. "You've grown into such a beautiful young woman and a powerful mage." He stop when a sob escaped her lips, and gently wiped away a tear with his thumb. 

"You know this is how it has to be my dear." Johanna fell forward wrapping her arms around Karl and burying her face in his chest. "Please don't leave us!" She sobbed into his robes. "I'll always be with you little one. I'm so proud of you." He whispered into her hair. 

Karl then looked at Carver and motioned for him to come forward. Carver eased up to the front of the group, unsure of way he was there. "She doesn't need to see this." Karl said to him and gestured for him to take her.

Gently, Carver slide an arm under her legs and the other around her shoulders. Picking her up he carried her down the stairs and out of the chantry. Once outside the cool night air sent goosebumps down his arms. Carefully he sat down on one of the steps, sitting Johanna in his lap. 

Resting his chin on the top of her head, he made slow circle on her back with his finger tips. Jo laid her head in the space between neck shoulder and cluched at his tunic. Carver held her close while her body shook with each sob, not saying a word, just letting her release the grief. 

After a few moments she sat up and dryed her eyes with the back of her hands. "I'm so sorry Carver." She sniffed. "For what?" Carver looked down at her confused. "For this." She said waving her hand at herself. 

Carver let out a short laugh. "There's nothing to be sorry for, Johanna. Karl was your brother, and I understand what it's like to loose a sibling." He said, picking up her hand and lacing their fingers together. "I had a sister, a twin sister. She died when we fled Loathering during the Blight. It hurts but that hurt can make you stronger." 

The sarrow in her face seemed to dull and Carver smiled to himself, happy that he had made her feel better. Looking over his shoulder Carver saw the others exiting the chantry. "Down here." He waved to them. Slowly he stood up and placed Johanna's feet on the steps. Hawke made it to them first and she looked from him to Jo. "How she doing?" She ask him. "Better now." Johanna answered with a small smile. 

"Good, we're heading back for the clinic now." Said Anders, appearing at Hawke's side. Turning to Jo, Carver looked her up and down before asking, "Can you walk or do I get to carry you?" 

********************************  
They had sat on cots while Anders and Johanna tended to the few wounds they had. 

"So let me guess, this the part where you tell me you're an abomination?" Said Hawke when Anders had healed all her wounds. 

"You're wrong. But not far wrong." Has Anders began his story of how he took a spirit into himself. Carver found himself watching Johanna. She had went to a back room when they had arrived at the clinic, returning ten minutes later after changing clothes and washing her hands and face. Now she sat next to him on a cot rebraiding her hair. He watched each quick flick of her fingers and could not help imagining those same fingers tangling in his hair. 

A hand on his leg caused him to jump and he looked down to see that she was squeezing his thigh. She nodded to the doors and then stood and walked out. With one quick glance to make sure Anders did not see them, he followed her. 

Stepping out the door Carver looked around for where Johanna had gone. After a few seconds, his eyes adjusted to the darkness and he spotted her leaning over a rail to the left of the doors.

Walking over he looked out over the stormy waves of the harbor in the direction she was staring. From here he could just make out the gray walls of the Gallows' tower standing alone on the sea. Carver closed his eyes. he was standing back in the chantry. This time when the shadowy figure turned around it was not the older, pale, bearded face of Karl, but the olive skin and red rose lips of Johanna. Sunburst brand still smoking.

"No." Carver said quietly, balling his hands into fist. Opening his eyes he found Johanna standing in front of him. Her eyes searched his faced, "Carver I-". Whatever she had been about to say he swallowed with his kiss. 

At first Carver was scared that he had went to far, for her whole body went stiff and she didn't move. He started to pull back but before he could Johanna's arms wrapped around his neck. Hands tangled in his hair. Lips pressing against lips, hard and demanding. He pulled her closer, his hands sliding down to her backside, lifting her up to encircle her legs around his hips. Soft moaning sounds flowed from her in between breaths. He moved from her lips to her jaw to her neck, drinking in ever ounce of her. 

He felt his member harden and he pushed against her taking pleasure in the gasp that left her. For two long weeks he had dreamed of this very moment and what it would be like to kiss her. He was so lost in her that he didn't notice the light spilling out from the clinic, nor the sound of footsteps behind them.

"Having fun are we, Junior?" 

Carver was so startled by the drawf's sudden appearance that he nearly dropped Johanna. Slow he lowered her to the ground.

"How long have you been there?" Carver growled. "Long enough." Smirked Varric clearly amused. "Oh don't worry you two I won't tell Blondie." He went on. "Although you may want to wrap this up before he comes out here." 

"Thank you Varric." Johanna said sweetly. "Na, don't worry about it Bright Eyes." He said smiling and waving a hand at her before turning back into the clinic. 

"Well that was..." Carver began but was cut off by her lips on his. "Wonderful." She finished as she turned and followed Varric.


	6. Always My Knight

Months passed and summer gave way to fall. The rag tag group of misfits grew by three, the outlandish pirate Isabela, the broody runaway elf slave Fenris, and the sweet Dalish blood mage Merrell.

Johanna took to both Merrell and Isabela at once. The three quickly became fast friends and could be found together roaming the market place most days. Johanna loved having other females to be around. Fenris was another story however.

The mage hating elf didn't like Johanna at first. But after a few rather close call missions, his feels towards her changed.

"I wish to apologize for my...less than friendly opinion towards you. It was wrong of me to judge you harshly just because you're a mage." He said, pulling her to the side after a battle. "Does that mean you'll be nicer to Anders and Merrell too?" She asked hopeful. "No." He replied at once. "But why? If you trust me and Hawke-" 

"You and Hawke have proven to be well in contorl of your powers. Those two are most definitely not." He said, cutting her off. Johanna just nodded not wanting to ruin her new approval status with the overly moody elf. 

But the best part of the last few months had been Carver. Johanna found that when she was not with him she would be dreaming of him. She had never been happier. Missions with him envoled dropping back from the others so they could walk hand in hand, or slipping into dark corners to still heated kisses.

But every time Carver tried to move on to the next level Johanna would find some reason for why they need to wait. And she was starting to run out of excuses. Soon she would have to tell him. Tell him why she became scared and paniced each time their passion came to that part.

********************************

"Hawke! We've been walking up and down the coast for the last two hours!" Isabela whined at their leader. They had came to the Wounded Coast in sreach of the Vicecount's son and had been walking with no sign of him for awhile. Though Johanna was sure it had been closer to an hour than two. 

"It is getting dark." She said from her spot beside Carver. "Maybe we should make camp?" Anders turned to her and his eyes automaticly dropped to her hand that was entwined with Carver's. His eyes narrowed at the warrior and he mouthed "Drop it". 

Carver shot the healer a dirty look but released her hand. Jo just rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. This is getting old! She thought. A wicked smile spread across her face. She looked at Carver, who just stared back at with a blank look. 

Rubbing her hands together, Johanna summoned her mana to her. Soon small purple beams of lightning danced around her fingers. Before Carver could stop her she released the bolts at Anders back. 

"Andrasta's nipples!" Anders screamed when her spell hit, racing up his back to his head and causing his blonde hair to stand on end. The whole group stop, all looking at him. Hawke and Isabela erupted into uncontorlable laughter, Fenris shook his head suppressing a grin, while Carver hidded his face in his hands. 

Johanna and Anders glared at each other, but before she knew it, he was laughing too. "So that's you're game is it?" He asked as he smoothed down his hair. An equally evil grin settled on his lips. Johanna watched as he unclenched his fists, blue light pooling at his finger tips.

"Now Anders..." She started pulling more mana to her. "Oh no little sister." He said calmly. "You started this." An icy blast of wind shot from his hands. The ice crystals hit a wall of flame and evaporated, just as Jo sent another wave of static energy at him. The charge hit Anders' legs causing him to faceplant in the sand. 

"OK you two." Hawke called. "Let's set up camp here, before Anders ends up with a pulled muscle." 

"Yes. We wouldn't want him to pull the wrong muscle. Now would we Hawke?" Isabela teased with a wink. Jo walked over to her brother and dropped to her knees in front him. He was red in the face when he looked at her. 

Anders had told Johanna of his feelings for Hawke, as well as his reasons for not pursuing them. Jo personally thought they were stupid reasons especially when they both knew Hawke shared them. Once she had helped him to his feet Johanna looked over his shoulder to she Hawke blushing just as red. 

"I could say something." She whispered with a nod in Hawke's direction. "No." He said, brushing the sand from his robes. "Come on! Anders you wouldn't hurt any-" But he cut her off. "I said no Jo. Just drop it." Jo rolled her eyes, "Fine!" She huffed at him. Turning around she stormed off to where Carver was spreading out his bedroll. 

"Want to go gather wood for the fire?" She asked him. "With you I would anything." He anwsered smiling. Johanna waited while he finished sitting up his sleeping area, enjoying the view of his well toned backside. Rising to his feet he took her outstretched hand and they made their way down the sandy path that lead to the beach. 

They walked along the water's edge, Johanna picking up dry pieces of driftwood and placing them in Carver's arms. After a few minutes they came to a large rock jutting out of the sand. Johanna climbed up to sit on the smooth surface. Looking down at Carver she smiled and jerked her head to the side as way of asking him to join her. 

She watched as he bent and laid the pile of wood on the ground. He all but jumped up to her perch and she giggled when he over shot and almost ended up in the sea. Wrapping her arms around her legs, she rested her chin on her knees. Carver settled down behind her. Pulling her closer. Together they looked out over the Waking Sea watching the sun sink in the sky.

Johanna repositioned herself between Carver's long legs and leaned her head against his firm chest. The tempture had began to drop and she relished in the heat of his body, closing her eyes. This was were she was the happiest. In his arms. All fears and worries melted into the void when he was near. Templars, slavers, qunarie meant nothing. 

"You know I love you? Right?" Carver asked. "Of course I do. And I love you too. More than anything." She replied a little worried by the unusual tone in his voice.

"Can I ask you a question then?" He took her hand and she turned around in his lap to see his face. Fear knotted in her stomach. "What is it?" Although she already knew what was on his mind.

"It's just...that is I just wanted to know. Wow this sound so much better on paper." He said running a hand through his hair. Johanna forced a smile and cupped his face with her own hand. Leaning close she brushed her lips across his. "Just ask." She whispered. She waited for him to gather his thoughts and took a deep breath to calm her own nerves. 

"Why do you really not want to have sex?" He said in one breath. His golden eyes fixed on her. Johanna could feel the redness rising in her cheeks. She had known this day would come and still she was not prepared for it. Taking another deep breath, she looked her love in the eye and braced herself. 

"If you really want to know then I'll tell you." Another breath. "You know I'm from the Ferelden Circle of Magi. And you know that I met Anders and Karl there before Anders escaped and Karl was sent to the circle here." Carver nodded at her but said nothing. "Anders ranway for the last time two months before the Blight started. It was just a few weeks later that Karl was sent here. I felt all alone in a tower full of other mages." She could still remember the feeling of emptiness after her brothers had left. "It was just after the blight had ended and those that survived the blood mages and demons that tried to take over were low but First Enchanter Irving...well I guess he felt sorry for me, cause I was called to his office one day. He told me that there was a small band of templars from Starkhaven at the tower looking for senior enchanters to go to their circle to rebuild the ranks. He asked me if I wanted to go and, like a fool, I said yes." 

"I don't understand what this has to do with that." Carver stated with a confused look. "I'm getting to that." She smiled weakly. Enhale. "We were a fortnight into the journey and had stopped to make camp. It was just me and another male mage And there was four of them. One sent Derek to get firewood and my job was to cook for everyone." Johanna knew she was dancing around the point of her story and worst she could tell that he knew it too.   
The knots in her stomach tightened and she felt like she would be sick. But she closed her eyes and forced herself to keep going. Enhale. Exhale. Enhale.

"They...they cornered me in my tent. And..." A pain shot through her chest as air caught in her throat. She started to gag and she felt lightheaded. She closed her eyes. 

The flash of armor in the corner of her eye. The feel of cold steel cutting into her neck. The pain of hair being pulled and a metal gantlet slamming into her face. Strong hand holding her down, twisting her arms behind her back. The sound of robes ripping and the copper taste of blood. 

"Johanna you don't..." He started but she cut him off. "I should have fought harder. I..." His fist came down hard on the rocky surface, causing her to jump. 

"They raped you." He said through clenched teeth. Again he brought his fist down. "THOSE FUCKING BASTATDS TOUCHED YOU!" Johanna shifted away from him. Never had she seen so much anger in his eyes before, not even when he would fight with Hawks. Carver was still and silent for a long time and Johanna was afraid to look at him. Maker knows what he thinks now. Slowly she pushed herself away from him and made to get off the rock. She had feared that he would see her as unclean, unwanted and it seemed she had been correct. A hand shot out and gripped her forearm. Before she could react she was falling backwards into his embrace.   
She was crushed to Carver's chest and he held her there for a time. Tilting her head up slightly to breath, a small drop of water touched her cheek. Looking up into his face she felt her heart stop. Tears were streaming from his eyes and dripping into her hair and on her face. 

"I'm sorry love." He said into her curls. "I...I wish I had been there to protect you." Carver's words seemed to lift her spirit and having told someone took a weight off her mind. She could feel his grip on her slacken and he let out a small grut of pain.

"Carver, what is it?" Joahanna twisted in his arms and pulled at his hands. "Oh Carver." She sighed. "What will I do with you?" Turning his hands in hers she could see the blood oozing from tiny cuts in his knuckles. Bringing them up to her lips, she softly kissed each one. Blue light radiated from her palms and she smiled as his injures vanished.

"It's in the passed." She reassured him. "And if it had not happened I wouldn't have found Anders again." At his confused look she went on with her tale. "I guess it was just luck, but the warden group he was with just happened to be in the area fighting darkspawn. Their scout heard me screaming and the next thing I knew he was holding me. They took me back to Vigil's Keep and that's where I stayed. Warden Commander took me in and trained me." 

"So that's were you learned to fight? The Hero of Ferelden, Aurora Cousland taught you how to fight!" Carver said with an astonished look. "Well her and Nathaniel. The thing is...well I've never truely been with a man before." She confessed. If she had expected anything it was most definitely not what Carver said next.

"Well if we are going to confess our deepest secrets..." He said with a little nervous laugh. "I've never been with a woman before." Johanna couldn't stop herself, before she knew it she was in a fit of giggles. "You're telling me that you're a virgin!" She laughed, tears of a different manor filled her eyes and she had to hold her side, it was hurting so bad. 

"Yeah, laugh it up at the twenty year old virgin!" Carver said. He started descending the rock and held a hand out at the bottom to help her down. They pick up the wood they had gathered and headed back to camp. 

When the others came into view Carver stopped her. "I want you to know that, no matter what, I still love you Jo. And I won't force you into something you're not ready for." Johanna could see the love in his eyes, and she knew he would keep his promise. Raising up on her toes, just like on the day they met, she laid a soft kiss on his cheek. "Always my knight." She said.


	7. This Means War

Carvar watched Johanna from the other side of the fire. A smile graced her silky lips and the flames of the fire danced in her green eyes. Anders was in the middle of telling a story about their time with the wardens although Carver hadn't heard a word of it so far. She looked so at peace leaning back against a stump while Isabela played with her hair. Oh what he would give to have her in his lap right now. 

Vaguely he noticed that Anders had finished his tale and the others were getting ready to turn in. "It's the men's turn to take watch this time." Isabela declared as she stretched out by the fire. "Sounds good, I've got first watch." Called Anders from over his shoulder as he headed up the path to take up his place for the next two hours. "I'll take second." Carver said settling on to his bedroll. 

"Third!" Johanna piped in. Carver watched as she placed her staff on the ground next to her and removed one of her daggers, slipping it under her pillow with a wink at him. "Oh no you don't Sweet Thing." Isabela protested. "Mr. Broody has third. You just lay that pretty little head of yours down and get some sleep." 

"Are you sure Fenris? I really don't mind." The elf simply waved a hand at her. "No, she's right, I'll take last watch." Johanna smiled up at him, "Goodnight then Fenris, Hawke, Isabela." She called to the others. Carver walked around the fire and knelt next to her. "Goodnight Carver." She purred at him in a voice that made his skin tingle. 

"Goodnight love." He replied in a hushed tone, giving her a chast kiss and making to stand. Before he could make it off his knees however, he found himself being pulled down by his tunic. Her lips cruched his and the power of her kiss made his head spin. A low growl vibrated in his throat. Running his tounge over her smooth lips and they parted, allowing him to explore the warmth there. His hands moved to her hair, tangling in the thick curls. Johanna let out a soft moan and the sound of it drove Carver crazy with want. He moved to her ear, sucking and nipping at the lobe. He could feel her hands tugging at the hem of his tunic and slipping under the fabric to run over his chest. He was lost to the world. There was nothing in it but her. Nothing else mattered.   
"Ouch!" Carver yelled pulling back from Johanna with lightning speed. "Would the two of you love birds give it a rest! I'm all for enjoying the pleasure of life. But there are some people trying to sleep!" Isabela yelled throughing another rock at his head. "Not to mention there's a rather over protective possessed mage ten yards away." Hawke added, not even looking up from where she laid.

"Goodnight Carver." Johanna whispered in his ear. She leaned forward and planted and quick kiss on his jaw. "You are a sneaking little witch, my lady." He grined at her. Standing Carver made his way to his bedroll and laid down, trying his best to ignore the uncomfortable hardness in his pants.

He was walking along a cliff's edge. On his right was a sold wall of stone reaching skywards. To his left a sheer drop to rocky sea. Scanning the horizon Carver could just make out the outline of a woman standing on edge on the cliff. Slowly he worked his way forward. As he walked the wall began to give way to another drop off and the path narrowed. As the mystery woman came into view he began to make out her details. Her slivery blonde hair floated on the wind and he could tell she wore an exquisite gown of purple and blue. Although her back was turned, he had an erey feeling that he knew her. He was almost a yard away when she spoke stopping him in his tracks. 'I Knew you would come, my love.' 'Johanna? What's going on?' He asked stepping forward and then quickly stopping. With each footstep he took, the ground around her crumbled. 'Johanna come to me!' He pleaded holding out a hand to pull her from the dissipating edge. 'No matter what happens Carver, swear you will live.' Tears had started to run down her beautiful face and she held out a hand to him. 'Johanna I'll swear anything, please just take my hand!' He stretched his arm just enough to graze the tips of her fingers. Then to his horror the ground under her gave way. 'Carver I love you.' She cried as she tumbled over the edge. 'Johanna!' Carver tried to dive for her hand but found himself being dragged back by invisible hands. They forced him back and he hit the rocky ground hard, screaming.

Hands griped his shoulder shaking him to wakefulness. "Johanna!" Carver snapped up in a panic, instantly searching the camp. When his eyes finally settled on her sleeping form, right where he had left her, he let out a short sigh of relief. Shaking his head clear of the remainder of his nightmare he peered up into a pair of glaring golden eyes. 

"Do I even want to know why you were screaming my sister's name in your sleep?" Anders asked nastily. "I don't know. Do you?" Carver shot back at him. "It's your turn for watch." The mage said giving Carver one last death stare before heading for his bedroll.

Carver stood, slowly flexing his muscle and rubbing a knot out of his neck. He bent to retrieve his blade from biside his bedroll and placed it on his back. Slowly he made his way around the fire and came to a stop at Johanna's feet. "Don't even think about." Anders muddered from his spot beside her. Rolling his eyes, Carver spared one last glance at the beautiful creature, and walked up the path.

The night air had turned chilly and he subbenly regretted not bringing his cloak. Finding a large boulder to sit on he placed his greatsword upright in the sand and took a seat. Sluggishly his mind began to turn over the events in his dream. No matter what happens, swear you will live. What did that mean? Rubbing a hand over his face, Carver replayed the scene over and over again, but came no closer to understanding it. Every time he saw Johanna fall felt like a white hot blade through his heart. 

He had been sitting there for at least an hour when a russel in the brush snapped him from his reprieve. Jumping down from his rock, he grabbed his sword and prepared to strike.

"Wow! A little jumpy there, are we, Sweet Thing?" Isabela laughed, materializing from the shadows. The pirate wore a sinister smile that made Carver some what uneasy. "What do you want?" He asked, eyeing her. "Well I just thought you might like to know that there is a certain young mage girl back at camp that has been whimpering your name in her sleep for at least the last twenty minutes." She said in a velvety voice. "And there maybe a certain sexy pirate captain that would be willing to take the rest of your watch." 

Carver gave her a suspicious look. Why would she be telling him this? He wondered. But every fiber of his being wanted to go to Johanna and take her in his arms where she belonged. "Oh Maker's balls! Are you going to go to her or stand there with your face hanging out? Don't worry her watch dog's knocked out." She said with a wink. 

Before he knew it, Carver was running back to the camp. Quitely he made his way around to his sleeping beauty. Kneeling down he found her in a fitful sleep. Gently he swept the hair that covered her face and leaned in to press a kiss on her swollen lips. "Carver?" She asked blinking. "Hush Love. What is wrong?" He asked tenderly. "Just a bad dream." She breathed, running an index finger down the side of his face. "I'll let you rest then." He said standing. "I'll be just over there, if you need anything." 

"Carver wait!" Johanna cried, terror rippling in her voice. "Would you...stay here with me?" She asked, her eyes pleading. Carver spared a quick glance in Anders' direction and found the healer snoring peacefully. This is going to get me killed! I just know it! He thought to himself, laying his weapon next to her staff.

She slid over enough for him to join her on the bedroll. Once he was settled she snuggled into his chest. He marveled at how perfectly she fit in his arms. "Thank you." Johanna whispered into his tunic. "Hush now Love. Just sleep." Soon he could hear her even breathing as she fell back into an easy sleep. I must be the luckiest man in all Thedas. He thought, closing he eyes and burying his face in her auburn hair. The sent of rosemary and mint filled his head and Carver drifted off into sleep. 

She was standing on the precipice of the mountain once again. 'Johanna just give me your hand. Please Love just come away from there.' Tears flowed down his cheeks. 'What ever happens...' 'I swear to you anything, Jo please! He begged but he could already feel the hands pulling back. 'I love you.' And she was falling. Carver felt an icy cold build in his feet and travel up his body. 'Johanna!' The cold intensified to an almost unbearably level. 

Carver's eyes shot open to the sight of a very angery Anders standing over him. "GET UP NOW!" He yelled. "GET AWAY FROM HER. NOW!" Caver tried to move but his body would not respond. He was frozen! The bastard had frozen him! "Anders stop this!" Johanna pleaded. Her hand fell on Carver's leg and he could feel his body warming. "Have you gone crazy! What's your problem?" Carver growled at Anders, getting up and standing in the mages face. "You don't touch her!" Anders spat, furry welling up behind his golden eyes. "She's a grown woman! You don't get to dictate her life!" Carver yelled back with as much venom as he could muster. "You don't deserve her!" Anders srceamed just inches from his face. "And you will never be good enough for her!" 

Before he could stop himself Carver's fist connected with Anders jaw. The mage fell to the drit in front him, blood dripping from his busted bottom lip. Getting to his knees, Anders whipped away the blood with the back of his hand and a wicked grin took over his face. Carver had no time to react, Anders dipped his head and charged at him like a bull hitting the warrior squarely in the gut. Both men tumbled across the sand and Carver's head hit against a rock wall hard enough to make him see stars. Shaking his head, he winced with pain and looked up just as Anders fist came down. Carver brought his arm up to guard his face and kicked out at Anders legs. The mage feel to the drit. Quickly Carver rolled himself on top of the other man, pinning him to the ground. "I may not deserve her, but I do love her!" He declared with his fist pulled back ready to strike.

"ENOUGH!" A bolt of lightning hit the ground inches from their heads. Strong hands had ahold of his arms dragging him off the healer. Isabela and Hawke were helping Anders to his feet. Fenris held on to Carver's arms. He looked to Johanna and his stomach twisted. She stood just to the right of him, a hand held out, palm opened and purple energy spinning around her, charging the air. "Enough." She repeated out of breath. "If the two of you are quite done with this little war of yours, you might stop acting like idiots and pay attention for once!!" A strange fire burned in her wide eyes. "Anders I asked him to stay with me. I love him and he loves me and if you cannot except that then at least keep it to yourself. Not every man is a Templar." She spoke calmly, looking at her brother with a dareing air. 

"And you!" She turned her haunting gaze to him. "He thinks he's protecting me! He's my brother, the only family I have, it's his job." For the first time Carver felt an uncontrollable force of power flow from his love. Like she was a rod in the middle of a lightning storm. It thrilled and terrified at the same time. "Sorry Jo." He said dropping his eyes to his feet. 

"Guess she told you guys. Great job Kitten!" Isabela grinned. Carver flashed her a nasty look before walking up to Anders. Reluctantly he held out his hand to the healer. "Truce?" Anders looked him in the eye seeming to search for something. After a moment he took Carver's hand and shook it. "Truce." 

"Great! If we're all done kissing and making up, we do have a vicecount's son to find and a reward to collect." Hawke jest.


	8. To Worship a Goddess

"Well, we won't have such great company in the Deep Roads. Can't believe that we will finally be moving out in the morning. You ready partner?" Varric was saying to Hawke, passing her a fresh tankard of ale. The group had all gathered at the Hangedman for their weekly game of Wicked Grace. They had been playing for several hours and were all two sheets to the wind. Everyone but Johanna, at least. As was the norm for her, when Varric offered her a drink she politely refused stating that she did not drink.

Carver took a look around the table. Fenris and Aveline were both exchanging battle stories. Hawke and Varric were pouring over last minute preparations for the Deep Roads trip, while Anders stared at her with wanton eyes.

"I'm out." Carver said, tossing his rather bad hand of cards on the table and taken a large drink from is tankard. "Does that mean I win?" Asked Johanna with a wide prefect smile. Over the course of the last two games, she had slowly moved from her spot next to him and was now seated in between his legs, with her feet in Fenris' lap. Carver wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her bear shoulder, peering at her card hand. "Only if you beat me Kitten." Isabela purred from across the table, a grin on her dark features. The sassy pirate had won the last five games in a row, and Carver was pretty sure she was cheating. 

"Alright ladies, show 'em if you got 'em." Fenris said. Carver held his breath as Isabela laid down her hand. "Two daggers." She said sitting her elbows on the table and placing her chin on her folded hands. "Let's see it Sweet Thing." Carver exhaled slowly, glancing at Johanna out of the corner of his eyes. Her green eyes flashed from the cards in her hands then to the ones Isabela had laid down. 

"Oh dear that is a good hand Isabela." She said innocently, biting her bottom lip. The pirate laughed and reached for the pile of coins that laid between them. Johanna's hand shot out to stop her. "But not good enough...four knights." Carver laughed as one by one Johanna laid down her superior hand with a wicked smile. 

"That's my girl." He said, and she turned in his embrace to give him a kiss. "Well I couldn't have done it without my lucky charm." She purred, arms snaking up to hang around his neck. "Yeah yeah. You won. Now why don't the two of you get a room." Isabela pouted. Carver couldn't help but blush. Maker only knew how much he wanted to. Johanna giggled, "Looks like someone could use some fresh air." She smiled at him and as always he felt his heart race. 

Standing she picked up his hand and pulled him to the tavern's back door. "Where are we going?" He asked once outside. The night sky was clear and a full moon bathed the city in slivery light. Carver watched as Johanna raised her hands to the sky and did a little twirl in the middle of the street, her laughter filling the air. "Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?" He said smiling at her as he leaned against a wall. "Not today." She chimed coming to stand before him. He took her hand and stared down into her moonlite eyes. "Well you are my lady." He smiled at her, bring a hand up to cradle her glowing face. Bending down he brushed his lips across hers. He let out a gasp as her hands tangled in his hair and pulled him back to her, deepening the kiss. "I love you, Carver Hawke. You and no other." She muddered against his mouth between breaths. 

Carver lifted his hands to untangle them from one another. Holding her elegant hands in his he took a deep breath. If he was going to do this he needed to hurry up before his nerves got the better of him. Taking another deep breath to settle the butterflies in his stomach, he closed his eyes. "Johanna there's something I want to ask you." He stopped, sweat beading on his brow despite the chill in the air. "What is it?" He heard her ask, worry clear in her singsong voice. "I would...that is I wanted to ask...Oh Makers breath! Johanna will you marry me?" Carver rushed out in one breath. 

When he heard no reply he opened his eyes. Johanna was looking down at their hands, absolutely still. Fear bubbled up in his chest threatening to choke him. She didn't want a poor man with not even a home to give her. This had been a terrible idea. What in the name of the Maker had he been thinking? Suddenly a tiny glint of light caught his eyes. Great I made her cry! I'm the most stupid...

"Yes." Carver's thoughts were cut off. Not believing what his ears heard he looked down at her. "What did you say?" He asked hesitantly. "I said yes. Oh, yes Carver. YES!" She all but jumped into his arms, sinking them into another deep intoxicating kiss. Carver spun her in circles and had dissolved into a fit of laughter. Relief flooded his body. Gently he sat her back on her feet. Reaching into his side pack he pulled out the only thing of his father's he had, a silver signet ring with the Hawke family crest. "I know it's not much." He said, sliding the ring on her middle finger. "But it was my father's." 

"It's prefect." She whispered, her opposite hand covering her mouth. "I've loved you seen I first saw you and I would rather die than live without you, Johanna. I can't give you what you deserve now, but when I return from the Deep Roads, I swear I'll take care of you. You'll never have to worry about templars or carta or anything. Ever again." 

"Come on." She said pulling him back to the door. "Where are we going now?" He asked raising an eyebrow. She didn't answer, just pulled open the backdoor and made her way to the bar. Flaging down on of the barmaids, he watched with curiosity as she whipered something he could not make out into the other woman's ear. Then reaching into her pack she deposited three coins into the woman's hand. The latter placed the coins into her apron pocket and with drew a small brass key. Johanna took it, knoded her thanks and began dragging him to the stairs that lead to the rooms. 

Once upstairs, Carver came to a dead stop, pulling her to him. "What are you doing?" He asked again. "You'll see." She replied with a seductive smile. Leaning up she twisted her fingers in his black hair, she yanked his head down to her's. "You said when I was ready. And I'm very ready." She purred into his ear. Suddenly everything added up. "Are you sure?" He asked. "Dead sure." She said running a hand up is leg. Carver's head bent back and a growl escaped his thoart. In one quick motion he swung her into his arms and all but ran for the door she pointed to. Johanna giggleing the entire way. 

Once to the door Johanna reached out and turned the knob. Carver pushed it open with his shoulder and entered the room. Kicking the door close, he turned and placed her on the large fur covered bed. "Maker you are so beautiful." He said kneeling by the bed. "I don't know what I did to ever deserve you, but I will thank the Maker everyday for the rest of my life for giving me you." Taking her hand he softly kissed and sucked each finger tip. "Carver..." She moaned her head falling back. Smiling against her skin he moved up her arm, kissing her wrist, forearm shoulder, as he watched her chew her bottom lip.

He began to unlace and remove her boots then he kick off his own, placing both pair on the floor at the end of the bed. Gripping both legs at the knees he pulled her to the edge of the bed, leaned up and removed the pins in her bun allowing the dark curls to cascade down her back. Johanna leaned back on both hands and he made his way up to his feet. Taking one of his hand she pulled him down to straddle her. 

Propping himself up on his elbows he kissed her, his hands working at the ties of her corset. With a frustrated grunt Carver managed to undo the last tie and pull away the garment, dropping it to the floor. Reaching down he found the hem of her tunic and pulled it and her breast band up over her head, tossing them to the growing pile of clothes. 

Johanna's hands twisted in his hair and she bit her lip to stifle a moan as he rolled a nipple between his thumb and forefinger. His kiss moved from her mouth to her neck and down to her bear chest, his tounge flicking the untouched nipple. Fingers thumbled at the laces of her leggings, loosening them enough to slip one deft finger into her slick folds. Another low moan then a whimper left her lips as she began to rock against his hand, gripping his shoulder. With a quick jerk he remove his hand and tugged off her leggings. She now laid on top of the furs completely devoid of all clothing. He marveled over her perfect body taking in every inch of her. 

Smiling down at her Carver knelt between her legs, grabbed her hips and pulled her to him, resting her legs over his shoulders. Johanna felt a cool blast of air as he blew on her wet entrance. She brought a hand to her mouth and bit down as his tounge swiped across her pleasure again and again. Slowly he slid a finger in and out, stroking her hidden spot. The pressure building in her threatened to over whelm her. "Carver. Please." She moaned, her nails digging into the skin of his shoulders as he worshiped her body with his. He smiled against her, "Not yet love." He hummed, now rubbing circles around her nub with his thumb and adding another finger. His hand picked up speed and she began to buck against it, seeking release. The world came apart around her as the fire inside exploded, melting into nothingness and leaving only the two of them. He helped her over her climax, alternanting between his mouth and fingers, while her body pulsated around him. His name rang of the walls.

She scrambled to her knees on the bed, pulling him in to crush her lips to his. Frantic hands pulled his tunic off and all but toar the laces of his pants in a lust fueled frenzy. Mouths and hands exsploring the others body, as they knelt together on the alter of their love. He pushed her back on to the bed. "Ready love?" He asked, his voice heavey with want. Gingerly she nodded. He lowered himself into possession and with an agonizing, almost cruel slowness he eased his length in, stretching her to the point of near pain. A small moan echoed through the room has he began to move inside her at a steady, unhurried pace. The pleasure began to build in her once more and her body cried for release from the torture of his slow pace. Hooking her legs around his hips she angled herself to take him deeper. Her back arched off the furs has his thrust quickened. She could feel her breaking point nearing, and started meeting him thrust for thrust. "Maker...Jo...I won't last much longer." He panted, sweat rolling down his face. Leaning up slightly she whispered in his ear. "Then let go love." Her words were his undoing, with one last hard thrust he brought them both crashing over the edge. 

Breathing hard he collapsed on the furs. Pulling her into his arms he kissed her sweetly. "I love you Johanna Hawke." He said when his heart calmed. "I think I like the sound of that." She smiled, "And I love you Carver Hawke." Soon they drifted into peacefully sleep, wrapped in each others loving arms.


	9. Into Darkness, Unafraid

'I'll only be gone for three weeks, a month at the most.' He had told her, wiping away a tear. They had all gathered at Hightown's merchant's gild as the expedition team prepared to move out. It had been early morning and a bitter winter wind had blown in from the Waking Sea, chilling the air. She stood before him, her cloak pulled close to protect from the cold, and forced a smile through her tears. 'Just be careful and come back to me in one piece, please.' She sniffed. 'Don't worry about me love, I'll be home before you know it. Fenris is going to take good care of you.' 

'I wish I could go with...' She started just to be cut off by Anders. 'Absolutely out of the question!' He shot at her. This had been the steady argument between the two mages for the better part of a week, and for once Carver had found himself agreeing with the over protective healer. 'He's right, Jo. The Deep Roads are no place for you.' He had told her. His love shot both men a dirty look, but did not protest. 

He had taken her into his arms and held her one last time. He was going to miss the warmth of her, her bright smile, her beautiful voice, and her kiss. 'Oh! Before I forget.' She had said, breaking away and rotting around her pack. When she had looked back at him she held to chains in her hands. One of gold with a sunburst pendent, the other silver with a crescent moon. He had looked at her curiously as she slided the gold sun over his head. 'I got them last week, so we could each have a part of each other.' At his confused look she explained. 'I enchanted them. Each has a lock of the others hair, and when they are apart they glow as long as the others heart is still beating.' Looking down he noticed that the crystal at the center of his sun was faintly glowing. 'I love it, Jo. But why do I have the sun? You should be the sun and I should be the moon.' 

The tears in her eyes welled up again. 'Because you are the light in my life.' She had said matter-a-factly. 'I love you, Carver.' Now tears threatened his eyes. Embracing her one last time, he kissed her passionately, before turning to the Fenris. 'Take care of her.' Was all he said and the elf shook his hand. 

As the group of explorers marched away to find their fortunes, he turned to wave to her one last time. Her beautiful face was the last thing he saw as he, Hawke, Anders, and Varric disappeared over the hill. 

Carver's hand came up to clutch the shining sun hanging around his neck. It had been five weeks since they had left for the Deep Roads. For the last four days the four of them had been wondering around the unground ruins trying to find a way out. This trip had been a disaster from the moment they started. First a cave in had blocked their way forward, and after two days of searching multiple side passageways and fighting not only darkspawn but also a rather large queen spider, they found a new route. Next on of the teammember's son ran off and, leave it to Hawke, they had to be the ones to track the boy down. Then when they finally found the drawfen tiage, Varric's son of a bitch brother betrayed them, locking the whole party in a vault. 

Now they had just slain an ancient giant rock wriath and found so much treasure he could buy off Knight Commander Meredith herself to keep Johanna safe. "Let's set up camp here tonight." Varric suggested as he tossed his bags on the clay rock floor. "I think we all deserve a rest. I mean we did just kill a giant rock thing." Hawke said coming up behind Carver and slapping him on the back. "And some of us looks worst for wear then others." She joked. 

Normally Carver would have came back with a smart retort but he was feeling completely drained. Once again his gripped the pendant. Maker how he missed Johanna. Ever night since they had left the sunlight he had seen her radiant face in his dreams. Sagging to his knees he unrolled his bedding and laid down. "Are you feeling alright?" Carver had not even heard Anders walk up, the healer stood over him with concern written on his face. "I'm fine." He replied shaking off the other man's worried look. "Just exhausted that's all." Closing his eyes he allowed himself to drift off into sleep. 

She stood with her back to him in the Gallows' courtyard, her auburn hair turned red by the sunlight. 'Johanna you shouldn't be here. It's not safe.' He said, reaching out to take her by the shoulder. His heart dropped to his stomach when he turned her to face him. Her skin was pale and ashen. Her once bright green eyes peered back at him, opaque and lifeless. Blood ran from a deep slash that circled around her throat. "What happened? Who...Who did this to you?" He screamed but she did not answer, just stared at him with blank eyes. Dropping is head to hide his tears, he noticed the moon just above her breast. Picking it up between two fingers he found that it no longer glowed. "I...I don't understand. Johanna wake up! You cannot be dead! Please don't leave me! Please don't..."

Cold hands on his forehead brought him from his nightmare. "Rise and shine Junior. Time to move out." Varric said in an all to happy voice. With a grunt Carver got to his feet and pack his things. He felt slightly feverish and his head ached but he followed the others without a word and hoped it was just this place making him sick. 

After a few hours of walking his head throbed with each step he took and it became increasingly harder to breath. The others came to a stop in front of him and he heard sister speaking. "This part of the Deep Roads looks familiar." She was saying, pointing to some rock formations ahead. Carver looked around but his vision had become hazy, making everything look the same. "We're back where we started, and in only five days. Not bad." Varric was saying. 

His blood felt like to was on fire and his legs were shaking. "Could we stop for a minute? I feel... wrong." He asked, his voice coming out hoarse and gravely. "We can make camp here if you're sick." Hawke answered while scanning the passage ahead. "I bet it was those deep mushrooms we ate awhile back." Varric joked, slapping him on the back and walking to a rock to set down his crossbow and gear. For a brief moment the world felt like it was tipped on its side as realization dawned on him what was wrong. 

"No. It's not..." But Carver didn't finish. He could feel his legs go out from under him. His knees hit the rocky floor. But the only thing he saw was his beloved's face. Johanna. 

"Carver!" Hawke was at his side in an instance. He could feel her hands searching his body for wounds. Someone propped his head up on a pack. But still the only thing he saw was Johanna standing on a cliff. 'M I matter what happens Carver, swear you will live.' 

"It's the Blight." Anders said from somewhere to his right. "I can secens it." He added grimly, placing a hand on Hawke's shoulder. "Just like that templar, Wesley. I'll be just as dead. Just...just as gone." He said taking his sister's hand. "Promise me something, will you sis?" He asked, squeezing her hand. "Promise me you will look-"

"No! There must be some other way!" She sobbed, frantically turning to look up at Anders. "I'm not going to make it. Not to the surface. Not...anywhere. It's getting worst." He gasped a a spasm of pain ripped through his body. "Please, I need you to tell..." 

"There might be something we can do." Anders cut in. "I stole the maps from a warden that came to Kirkwall. I wanted to know if he was looking for me, but he wasn't. The maps were fir planning their own trip into the Deep Roads" He explained. Hope flashed across Hawke's face. "Does that mean the wardens are still here?" She asked. "If they are, then I know where. We could bring Carver to them." Carver felt Hawke's hold on him tighten. 

"And...what? Become a Grey Warden?" He asked skeptically. How was this a plan? He wondered. "Is becoming a Grey Warden a cure?" Hawke asked, clearly confused. "Yes. I suppose it is." Anders answered and Carver could see the relief that washed over her. It matched his own, he would do anything to see Johanna again. "But it's not without a price, one not everyone is willing to take." Anders continued. "What price?" Hawke asked, her voice raising. "Maker's breath spit it out!" 

Anders took a small step back and gave Carver a sad look. "The process of becoming a Grey Warden is...unpleasant." He said taking a deep breath. "And irreversible." Suddenly Carver understood the mages mean, before he even finished. "It means you may never see your sister...or Johanna again." Anders said looking down at him, then turning to Hawke he added, "He may survive the Blight, but at the cost of becoming a Grey Warden. It's not an easy life, trust me."

They were all quite for a moment. Hawke laid her head on his, running her fingers through his hair like she did when he would get sick as a child. "What about you?" Carver asked looking at Anders. "You're not a warden anymore." Anders looked at them and shook his head. "You think I got away?" He said with a sad laugh. "Eventually they or the circle will drag me back. I've got no illusions about that."

Hawke's hands clinched into tight fist at her side. Turning back to Anders, she set her jaw and said stubbornly, "If there is even a chance we must take it." 

"Then I hope I'm right."

They had been walking for an hour. Hawke and Anders taking turns helping him walk while Varric scouted ahead. Carver's mind kept slipping to Johanna. Was this what his dream a had meant? No matter what happened, whether he lived or died, he was never going to see her again. She would forever be out of his reach. He remembered their first and last night together. The taste and feel if her skin. The way she moaned his name.   
"She told you, did she?" Anders asked, startling him to the present. "Told me what?"

"About what happened to her when...when she left the Ferelden circle." He clarified. Carver swallowed hard, his mouth dry. "She told me what those bastards did to her, and that you saved her." He answered. The mage stopped and looked down at him. "I'm not the one who killed them." He said before starting forward again. "What do you mean? Jo told me she woke up in your arms." Anders readjust his hold on Carver's waist, taking more of the latter's weight. "She did. But the Templars were already dead when me and Nathaniel got there. Johanna killed them." 

Carver did not understand, looking up at the other man. "Why would she lie to me about that?" He asked the pain on his face not from the taint that ran through him. "She didn't. I let her believe it was me. The truth is we heard the Templars screaming and rushed in, but when we got there they were already dead and Jo was unconscious. When I saw what they did to her, when she woke up and didn't remember what she did, I told her it was me." Anders said, bitterness lacing his voice. "She's a wonderful girl and it would have destroyed her to know what she had done. The kind of power she has." 

"What do you mean' kind of power'? She is no abomination!" Carver barked at him. "No she is not an abomination. But she is not a normal mage either." Anders replied. "And that's why I have protected her, I'm afraid if the Templars ever find out they will not let her live. And her heart is too pure, and...she is the only family I have." Carver took a deep breath as another blot of pain shot through him. "Why are you telling me this now?" He asked after the spasm past. Anders didn't answer right away, just kept walking. After a minute he paused and looked down at the warrior. "Because she loves you and you seem to love her. If anything were to happen to me, I'll be glad to know you are the one that would protect her." 

The two fell silent again. Another haft hour past and Hawke came to relieve Anders. "Will you tell Johanna something for me?" Carver asked her. "No Carver. What ever you have to say to Jo you can tell her yourself. Because you are going to make it through this." She said in a rather shaky voice. He had never heard her like this before, not even when their father and Bethany died. "Sister, I-" "No. Whatever you say now will sound like a goodbye." He could here her fighting back tears.

"Hmm." Anders had come to stop ahead of them. "What's wrong?" Hawke asked from his side. They had come to a set of narrow passages. "I think they're near by." He said looking over the passage before them. He motioned for the group to wait as he made his way around a corner and quickly came running back. "Or it could be darkspawn!" He yelled as a group of hurlocks rounded the corner behind him. "Great job Blondie!" Varric yelled, readying his crossbow. The two men took care of the monsters quickly. The last darkspawn dropped just as a small band of men rounded the corner, weapons at the ready.

"Anders." A mustached warrior, called. Anders placed his staff on his back and walked up to the man. "Fancy meeting you here, Stroud." He said taking the man's hand. "I could say the same. I thought you were done fighting darkspawn." The two men spoke for a few minutes, though Carver didn't hear much of what they were saying. His thoughts drifted to Johanna. No matter what happened now, he knew he would never see her beautiful face again. Reaching down, he gripped the sun pendant in his hand and pictured her radiant smile beaming at him when they awoke that last morning in each other's arms. He had kissed her lovingly and told her that he would love no other for the rest of his life. Now that statement was seeming more and more true by the second. 

"If the boy comes he comes right now and you may not see him again. Being a Grey Warden is not a cure. Its a calling." The Warden named Stroud was saying. Hawke's grip around his waste tightened and he looked up at the fear in her blue eyes. "Are you sure about this?" He asked her with as much strength as he could muster. "I wish it hadn't worked out this way." She said with one single tear escaping her eyes. "Just look after mother for me." He said as two of Stroud's wardens came to take his arms. "And Anders take care of my sister. And tell Johanna... tell her that I love her." He added to the mage. "I will." He said with a sad smile. "We must move quickly if we are to make the surface in time." Stroud told them as he headed for the passage that lead to Carver's new life.


	10. The Things We Have to Lose

The Rain was coming in down in sheets has Anders walked the streets that lead to Darktown. They had made it into Kirkwall just as the storm began and it set the prefect back drop to the party's mood. For the last two miles the only thing he could think of was what he would tell Johanna when he got to the clinic. A sharp gust of wind swept in from the harbor, and he pulled his cloak tighter as he descended the stairs to the undercity. 

As he walked up the final steps the clinic doors opened and a woman he knew as Evalina exited with a young man at her side. "Oh. Messar Anders." She said opon see him. "Lady Johanna will be so happy to know you are back. She has been very worried." Anders gave the woman a weak smile and continued up the steps. His hand touched the handle of the door and he stopped to inhale to steady his nerves before pushing the door open. A little ball of fur attacked his feet the moment her crossed the threshold. Leaning down he picked up a small fluffy grey kitten with a deep blue ribbon tied around it's neck. "Well hello there little cutie. Where did you come from?" He said, scratching the kitten behind the ear. 

He walked to the nearest cot and placed his bags and the kitten down before looking around for his sister. "Johanna?" He called to the back room. There was the sound of glass breaking and footsteps running. Before he knew what was happening, Anders was nearly knocked off his feet by a rush of auburn hair. "You're home!" Johanna squealed in his arms. He buried his face in her neck inhaling the reassuring sent of rosemary and mint. "Oh Anders you're back." Merrill appeared from the back room smiling. "What happened? Varric said you would only be gone for a month at the most. Where's Carver? Never mind. I'm just happy you're home. Besides if he looks anything like you do right now I'm sure he went home first." Johanna said pushing away from him just enough to look up at him. "You look absolutely exhausted. Let me draw you a bath, you can wash up and tell me everything. Merrill will you go let Isabela and Fenris know that we'll meet at the tavern later." She added to the other woman who gave a wave and walked out the door. 

Anders fiddled with his robes as he watched his sister disappear into the back room and remerge with their tin wash tub. "Johanna we need to talk." He stared as she now set to filling the tub and gathering clean towels. As she bent to test the temperature of the water Anders noticed the glowing crescent moon pendant that hung from her slender neck. "Johanna." He tried again. "I see you've meet Nate." She said as she laid out a clean pair of pants and tunic on a cot and pointing at the now sleeping kitten. "Don't he remind you of Nathaniel Howe! Merrill brought him to me last week." 

"Johanna! Carver is not coming back!" He shouted, taking her by the shoulders and turn her to look at him. "The was an accident. He was tainted." The pain in her eyes was almost unbearable to see. "I'm sorry love. But- Johanna?" 

The temperature in the room dropped to freezing in the matter of seconds. A strong whirlwind began to blow around them, ripping at their robes and catching up the papers from his desk. Lightning cracked around them and filled the air with the smell of burning ozone. A earth shattering scream erupted from her lips as a blast of energy pushed him against wall. "You lie!" She shrieked as the wind picked up. "You swore to me you would protect him!" Another electrified gust if wind hit the clinic doors, throwing them open with a ear deafening bang. "Johanna stop this!" Anders pleaded from the bottom of the wall, covering his ears as one more heartbreaking scream of agony left her lips. 

It ended as fast as it stared. He watched as she collapsed to the floor, the cyclone and lightning dissipating around her. Slowly he crawled across the floor to were she had folded in on herself, sobs racking her body. "Jo, I'm so sorry." He whispered reaching out for her, only to have his hand stopped by an invisible shield. "You let this happen." She hissed darkly. Before he could react, she shot to her feet and ran out the open clinic doors, disappearing into the darkness of the undercity. 

********************************  
She did not know where she was going only that if she stopped running then she would have to think. And that was the last thing she wanted to do. Tears ran down her face to mix with the raindrops and blurring her vision. Unable to see she ran face first into an armored body. A hand shot out and stopped her fall. "Johanna? What happened?" Fenris asked in his deep booming voice. She snatched her arm from the elf's grip and kept running. 

Before she knew it, She found herself standing in front of the Hangedman. Taking a deep breath she push open the door and walked inside. The tavern was warm from the combined heat of the fireplace and the many bodies packed together. Pushing past several groups of men she recognized from the Bone Pit mine, Johanna made her way to the bar. Dropping a few coins on the wood counter, she order a bottle of whiskey. 

The bartender sat the bottle of whiskey down in front of her and she starred at it for along minute before picking it up a downing over haft of the warm liquid in one breath. The alcohol burned as it slipped down her throat causing her to cough and pound her chest. Before she could recover from the first drink, she flung her head back and finished off the bottle. It had been such a long time since she had had any kind of booze that her head started to buzz almost immediately. 

Her mind began racing with thoughts of Carver and a soft sob escaped her. "Oh my love." She whispered under her breath. "I should have been with you." The pain in her heart was unbearable. Silently she thought of death and how easy it would be to gone him. Her fingers twisted the ring on her right hand and agony seeped into her soul. Lost in her heartbreak, she did not notice when a unfamiliar man sat down on the barstool next to her. 

"Hi there pretty thing." The man slurred, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "How much for a good time?" He asked with a wide grin that revealed two rows of yellowed teeth. "Get your hand off of me or lose it." Johanna growled. "Oh come on sweetheart. How's about you and me get a room? I promise you'll enjoy it." The man laughed as his over hand moved between her legs. "I warned you." Is all she said as she sent a blast of energy from her body that sent the man falling back into a group of miners. He got up slowly, shaking his head. "You'll pay for that you bitch!" He spat as he rushed at her. Before he made it two feet however Johanna pulled a dagger and embedded in the man's shoulder and followed it with one last mind blast. The whole tavern had went quiet. "Anyone else want to play the winner?!" She shouted before turning back to the bar. 

Waving to the bartender again she laid some more money in the man's hand and took the new bottle with a nod of thanks. If living with a whole hold of wardens ever taught her anything it was how to win a bar fight and that the more you drank the less you felt. Bringing the new bottle to her lips, she briefly imagined the redheaded dwarf Oghren slapping her on the back and telling her he was proud of her. Before she could take another drink however a dark skinned hand push the bottle back down. 

"Slow down there Kitten. Drinking that much that fast will have you on you ass before you know it." Isabela said from next to her. "Varric told me what happened, do you want to talk about it?" Johanna snatched her arm from the pirate's grip and tipped her head back to drain the bottle. "No. Leave me alone." She all but growled, pushing from the bar and heading for the exit. She only made it two feet when the whole room seemed to tip on it's side, causing her to fall into Isabela's ready arms. Johanna steadied herself for a second, her head spinning, and remembered way it was that she didn't drink much. "Maybe you should come lay down." Isabela said, concern clear in her velvety voice. 

"No. I just want to be alone! I don't want to even be here anymore! All I want to do is die!" She screamed, causing everyone in the bar to turn and stare at her. Isabela's eyes went wide, and Johanna followed her line of sight to the dagger in her hand that she did not remember drawing. The pirate rouge was at her side in the blink of an eye, wrestling the blade from her hand and turning her to the doors. Pushing her out into the cold wet night air, Isabela turned her in the direction of home. "Lets get you back to your brother before-" Johanna slipped out of her grip and turned to face the other woman, anger burning in her vains. "No!" She screamed once again, the power from before bubbling up in her. Electrical charges pooled at her fingers and the storm began to pick up, fueled by her raw emotions. 

The sound of shouting and heavy chainmail echoed off the stone walls around them. From around a corner a group of nine Templars came into view, swords drawn. "Shit" Isabela swore under her breath drawing her own daggers from her back and coming to stand in front of her. "Hi boys." She pured in her most seductive voice. "Can we help you with something?" She smiled at the group of mage hunters. 

"Stand aside and let us take the apostate in peace." Said their lieutenant in a threatening tone, taking a step toward the two women. "Yeah, I don't think I can do that." Isabela replied flipping one dagger in the air and catching it. "Isabela just go. Let them have me." Johanna said, trying to push her out of the way. "Not in your life Kitten." She laughed. "Very well men. Take the apostate alive." The lieutenant shouted as the group converged on them. "Isabela run!" Johanna cried as the rouge shot forward, daggers ready. It only took one hit from the templar lieutenant and Isabela was sent flying back into a wall. Johanna watched in horror as three Templars moved in on her friend, as fast as she could she erected a barrier between Isabela and the Templars, just as another tackled her to the ground. Strong hands hauled her to her feet and cold cuffs locked around her wrist. "Leave her alone!" She pleaded. "I'll go, just leave her." A gauntlet connected with he jaw and her head whipped back with the blow, cuasing vomit and blood to fill her mouth. Shaking her head clear of the haze, Johanna watched as an armored foot kick Isabela in the ribs. The other woman turned to look at her, a purple bruise was already setting in around her left eye and blood dripped from several cuts on her face. Terror filled Johanna's body as a blade came down and pierced Isabela's back. 

"No!" She screamed, fighting her captors. "Please I'll go! Just please leave her!" The lieutenant let out a sickening laugh. "Take her to the Gallows." He said turning to look at her with a cruel grin. "Isabela!" Johanna screamed fighting to get a view of her friend. She felt as though she had been plunged into icy water. A large pool of blood oozed from Isabela's unmoving body. 

Someone grabbed a hand full of her hair and yanked back causing more tears to well up in her eyes. Another blow across her face sent her into blackness and as she closed her eyes the last thing she saw was a pair of amber eyes and a flash of short black hair. 

********************************  
Isabela made her way slowly through the streets of Lowtown, using the walls for balance and clutching at wound in her chest. Blood had seeped and stained her white tunic red. Finally her destination came into view. 

She pulled herself up the stairs and with what little strength she had remaining, hammered the door to Hawke's house once. The door banged open to reveal a disheveled Hawke. "Isabela? What in the name of the Maker?" Hawke asked rushing forward to catch her as she fell. "I need to get you to Anders. What happened?" 

Isabela fought through the pain trying to stay wake. "The Templars... they...they have Johanna."


	11. The Monster Within

"She's where?!" Anders voice echoed loudly off the walls of his clinic. He passed the fool in front of his desk, wringing his hands in frustration. Only an hour ago he had nearly had a heart attack when he had opened his door to find Hawke holding a beating and blooded Isabela. She had rushed past him, placing the wounded woman on a near by cot. "What happened?" He had asked, kneeling beside the cot. He began pulling mana to heal her. She had lost a lot of blood from a stab wound in her back, and it was a miracle that she wasn't dead. 

Now the pirate woman sat on the cot, retelling the story. "She didn't even try to fight back." Isabela said rubbing at the side of her head where a bandage covered a large gash. "I knew I should have followed her." Anders said, his anger boiling to the point that he found himself punching a wall, pulling back bloody knuckles. "I swore I would never let this happen. I promised to keep Carver safe. I've failed her." He fell into his desk chair and raked his fingers through his blonde hair causing it to fall from its leather tie. Hawke had just returned with the rest if their friends as Isabela had finished talking. They all stood around with a mutual air of worry. 

"Calm down Blondie. We'll get Bright Eyes out of there." Varric said from his place by the doors. The storyteller always seemed so calm and at the moment it irritated Anders to no end. "You don't understand! They will kill her as soon as they figure out that she is not normal. For all we know Meredith has already ordered it! This is all my fault." He placed his head in his hands,trying his best not to picture his only remaining family dead at the feet of a templar. A gentle hand on his shoulder brought him back to the now. Hawke stood behind him, a sad smile gracing her fair face. "We will get her Anders. We all love her just as much as you. And I made a promise to my brother that I would protect her too." His love for her grew even more. This woman was the real thing and he had never felt this way about anyone else since Karl. 

"No! He is right!" Fenris stood in front of the desk, his fists hitting the table. "This is all your fault!" The elf launched himself at the mage, knocking him backwards. Anders head hit the floor with a loud crack. The warrior was on top of him, pinning him to the floor. "You don't get to feel sorry for yourself!" Fenris spat at him, his clawed fists gripping at Anders' coat. "You hate mages, remember!" Anders yelled back at his attacker. "She's different! She can control her powers!" He said shaking the other man violently. Anders shook his head. "Not when her full powers emerge. I've only seen it happen twice and she doesn't even remember what happened the first time. So I've never told her. But when it happens, when she unleashes her whole powers, it's like an unending storm. As if someone else is in her body." They stared at one and other, a tiger and a wolf, until Aveline walked up beside them. "This isn't helping!" She shouted. Fenris slowly moved off of him, but it was clear that his rage was still there, just under the surface.

"If we are going to do this then we better get moving." Varric said pushing off the wall and placing his crossbow on his back. "That is if the two of you can wait till after Bright Eyes is safe." The two men flashed death glares at each other but did not move. "I believe that we would be more likely to live through this if we made a plan. Unless storming the Gallows head first is the plan." Fenris stated sarcastically. "I have an idea." Anders said, standing up and reaching for his staff. "There is a set of tunnels not far from here that lead under the Gallows." 

********************************

Her mind was clouded by a grey haze and a persistent ringing in her ears sent razor sharp pain shooting throughout her head. The ground beneath her was cold and hard. Taking in a deep breath, she gagged on damp moldy air. Coughing caused shockwaves of gut wrenching pain to radiate from her side. Her eyes fluttered open to reveal iron bars. All at once the memory of the last few hours hit her. Anders, Isabela, Templars, and...Carver. Her body may be in pain but inside she was numb. When she had seen the Templars she had seen her release. An end to all the pain, no more sorrow, no more dreams. Just oblivion. 

Gingerly, she eased herself up to her knees. Her side protested in agony and she clutched at it with shaking hands as she pushed herself up to standing. She reached out to the cell bars for support. Looking about her prison she spotted a small mirror and water basin in a corner. Using the walls to steady her trembling legs, she worked her way to the wooden stand. 

The woman that peered back at her was unrecognizable. Her hair fell in knots down her back, dried blood and mud crusted the tips. A huge bruise covered the under side of her left eye and blood ran in a steady stream from the corner of her mouth. Red stains dotted her grey tunic, the sleeves ripped and her leather corset was gone along with her boots. The sound of chainmail on stone thundered from the corridor beyond the cell. Faint voices drifted to her and with great care she turned to the cell door. 

"They placed her in here, Knight Captian." A somewhat familiar male voice said. "Thank you Karen." The second one replied, this one she knew without a doubt. The two Templars came into view, one carrying a torch that cast the walls with eerie shadows. They stopped in front of her cell door. She observed them with mild curiosity as one slid a key into the lock and opened the door. The men entered the cell and the light finally lite their faces. "Hello Cullen." She greeted with a cocked eyebrow, suspicion clear in her gravelly voice. Her eyes darted to the young man at the Knight Captain's side. "And you're the recruit we saved from the blood mages." She said before turning back to the curly blonde headed man that stood in front of her. "So are you my executioner? That's fitting." She asked darkly. 

She remembered Cullen from the Ferelden circle, Kinloch Hold. He had been a sweet young man when she first met him and many of the mage girls had been taken with him. He would sit with her for hours in the garden talking of books and music, and she had always enjoyed his company. Even if he only did it just so he could get a chance to see Robin Amell. Robin had been a few years older than Johanna, and Cullen's heart had belonged to her.

But torture can break a man and haunt his mind. Cullen had been one of the few survivors when the blood mages, lead by a crazed mage named Uldred, had taken control of Kinloch Hold. Uldred's followers summoned demons to torture and warp Cullen's mind. After the circle tower had been liberated by Aurora Cousland, he changed. He was no longer friendly abd kind, instead he became cold and untrusting. Finally the Knight Commander had sent him here to Kirkwall. 

"I'm here to get you out." He whispered, taking a step toward her. Johanna backed into the wall, "I'm not going anywhere." She said, wincing as a twinge of pain shot through her side. Cullen ran his hands through his hair and let out a frustrated huff.  
"You actually want to be tranquil?" He shot back at her. "I thought you believed that was the only way to control a mage." She spat at him with as much venom as she could. She could tell her words had wounded him, but she didn't care anymore, she wanted everything to end. "I've been in the Knight Commander's office for the last two hours with Karen and Emeric, begging for your life, the least you could do is take!" Cullen screamed at her, patience had never been his strongest virtue. "Why?! What am I to you but anoth-" 

"You've saved my life once!" Taken her by the shoulders and shaking her. "You saved Karen's and Emeric's! You are no monster!" His words took her aback. For a second her mind cleared, but images of Carver, laying lifeless in the darkness of the Deep Roads, flooded her and with them the numbness returned. "I want an end." She whispered, not meeting his gaze. "I don't want to feel anymore. I just... I just want peace." A single tear rolled down her cheek and she closed her eyes to fight back the rest. The weight of the ring on her finger pulled at her heart. Something was placed in her arms. Looking down she found a clean set of robes and a pair of slippers. "They'll be her in an hour to preform the rite." Cullen said with a deep sadness. She watched as both men turned and left the way they came. 

Johanna staggered to the wash basin. Dipping her hands into the cool water, she splashed it over her face. Scrubbing at the blood and grime she cleaned herself the best she could, taking special care around a nasty looking blade wound in her side, then slipped into the robes Cullen had left for her. Leaning down she started to put on the slippers. Her right foot was almost in when her toes hit something melt. Pulling the slipper back off, she tipped it over her hand and a sliver chain fell into her palm. 

Holding the chain up she recognized the crescent moon pendant as her own. Turning it in her hand, her heart nearly stopped and tears welled up in her eyes. How had she not seen it before. The blue crystal at the center glowed, bathing her face in a sapphire blue light. "He's alive!" She breathed, clutching the necklace to her heart. Her mind quickly worked out how her love could still live and after a moment it came to her. Anders would have known that those wardens they had stolen the maps from would be in the Deep Roads. He also would have been able to sense them easily. "You're a warden now." She said to the empty cell. At her words another wave of sadness dawned. Carver was a warden now, she would still never see him again. 

More footsteps came down the hall. Quickly she wiped away her stray tears and shoved her feet into the slippers. Slipping the chain around her neck, she tucked the pendant in the holds of her robes and turned to face the door as it opened. "It's time." Emeric stood in the archway, his greying hair falling to his shoulders and his grey blue eyes full of sorrow. She held out her wrist to him and after a moment of hesitation, he placed the shackles on them. She could feel the mana draining from her body as soon as the metal touched her skin. "This way." Emeric lead her out of the cell and down the corridor. They walked in an uneasy silence into an open courtyard. 

The night sky was clouded and the rain fell in a soft drizzle. She lifted her face to allow the rain to wash over her. Emeric's hand on her arm steered her toward a open door that lead to a large chamber. Glancing around, she took in the fire burning brightly in a hearth and providing the only light in the room. A tall elven man in black circle robes stood at the center of the room with a woman that Johanna assumed was the Knight Commander. Cullen and Karen lingered to the right of the fire, looking at anything but her. She was guided to stand in front of the elven man where Cullen came to take Emeric's place behind her. "On your knees." The Knight Commander spat. Gently, Cullen helped her to the stone floor. 

Johanna allowed her mind to block out the events going on around her. She was barely aware of the man chanting the words for of the rite or the heat from the sunburnt brand, just inches way from her forehead. All she could see was Carver. She recalled their first kiss outside the clinic and the way his arms held her to his muscular body. The night he asked her to marry him under the full moon and stars. The feel of his touch on her bear skin. His kiss that sent fire running through her vians. 

Somewhere someone screamed her name. A white hot searing pain shot through her head and her mind slipped into the Fade. All at once the world slowed to a crawl. Magic that seemed so familiar and yet so strange, poured from her body, out of her control. A blinding flash of light erupted from her, sending the Knight Commander flying backwards. The sound of glass shattering and swords clashing filled the chamber. A blazing ring of fire encircled her. The flames licked at her skin but did not burn, instead they seemed to be healing her wounds. How is this possible? They preformed the rite. 

Rough clawed hands gripped her arms and pulled her into a protecting embrace. The feel of cold metal against her cheek made her look up into a pair of huge green eyes framed by a shock of white hair. A flash of blue light and feathers streaked by followed closing by long black locks. Another burst of light flew from her, blinding her. She felt the arms pick her up, cradling her to a steely chest. Then they were running, the sound of battle fading behind them as more footsteps joined those of who was carrying her. "Keep running!" A female voice shouted. 

"Don't stop and don't you dare drop her!" 

"I've got her mage! Just try not to get yourself caught!"

"Could you two boys maybe wait to have your little cat fight until after we've made it out of the templar filled fortress! So I could enjoy it! Perhaps with no shirts and and oil of some kind!" 

"I swear Hawke, your cause of death will be being sarcastic at the wrong time! Mark my words!" 

"Really Varric? No sense of humor in the face of certain death?" 

"I didn't say that! And for Maker's sake Blondie watch were you're throwing those damn fireballs will you! That last one singed my chest hair!" 

Johanna listened to her rescuers banter back and forwoth until exhaustion took hold of her. She laid her head against Fenris' chest and drift off once more to the Fade. Seeking answers to what she had just done and why she was not tranquil. What kind of monster was she?


	12. Sweet Dreams are Made of This

Johanna stood in the middle of a wildflower field wearing, of all things, Grey Warden armor. A warm summers sun bathed her in it's golden light. She raised her face to the rays, closing her eyes and smiling, she turned in a circle with her arms outstretched. This was her place in the Fade, the one Her dreaming mind had created just for her. The sound of a babbling stream reached her ears and she stopped her dance in favor of finding the flowing water. Looking around, her eyes took in a three hundred and sixty degree view of endless clear sky and wildflowers. 

As she started to walk a tall dark figure came into view on the horizon. She moved stealthily, demons had breached her wards before but something about this mystery figure seemed different. The closer she came to it, the more details see could make out. Black hair blew in the light breeze. At five feet away she felt her heart skip a beat. The thing that stood before was Carver. She narrowed her eyes at the Carver look a like. 

"Be gone demon. There's no deals to be made here." She proclaimed to it. They both regarded each other for a spell, neither moving. 

"You wonder why it is the rite of tranquility had no effect on you." The thing stated matter of factly in Carver's voice. 

"No. I'm wondering why you are still here, demon." She hissed, growing more and more angry. 

"I am no demon and you are no human. Not truly." Johanna eyed the thing with disbelief. 

"If you are not a demon than what are you?" She asked trying to keep her temper under control. 

"I am the one that has watched over you from this place. You called to me, so I am here." 

"That is not an answer." She said through gritted teeth. The thing sighed and walked toward her. Instinctively Johanna stepped back, pulling mana to her fingertips. 

The spirit took another step toward her, and for the briefest of moments Johanna could see something familiar in its stolen amber eyes. "I am a spirit of wisdom." It answered. 

She laughed. "Yeah right. And I'm the Divine." She said sarcastically. 

"You wish to know what you are. How is it that you possess such remarkable strength." The spirit reached out and lightly placed a finger on each of her temples. Magic surged through her body, almost painfully. Before her eyes the field and blue sky melted and reshaped itself around them.

They stood in a crumbling temple ruin, over grown by a forest that sought to reclaim it. Johanna turned in a circle. The blue sky had been replaced by the darkness of night. A large stone alter sat in the middle of the chamber, strange symbols caved into its grey stone.

"Why have you brought me here?" She asked, turning to the spirit. An eree feeling seeped into her, like she had been in this place before. 

"You are... faith." It said. Johanna turned on her heels to walk away. "You do not believe because you do not remember." She stopped. Fire light appeared at the entrance to the chamber and voices drifted to them. She watched as two hooded figures materialized from the shadows.

"We must try, Ma Vhenan." A male voice said. The two approached the alter and the taller one laid a small bundle on the stone surface. They pulled their hoods down, revealing their faces. The taller one was a elven man with long silvery hair and beautiful green eyes. His face was covered in branch looking tattoos. A Dalish elf? Johanna's eyes trailed to the second figure.

"What if it doesn't work, Somniar? I won't lose you both." The human woman said, her hand gripping at his arm. Johanna felt her stomach drop as she took in the woman's olive toned skin and long curly auburn hair. 

"Are these my parents?" She asked the spirit, her eyes not leaving the the couple. The spirit did not answer. They watched as the man kissed his lover tenderly, before turning to the alter. He produced a small dagger from the holds of his cloak. Placing it to the palm of his hand, he winched slightly as he pulled the blade across his pale skin. Blood pooled in his hand as he began to chant in elven. 

As his words sped up, a bright life filled the darkness. A ear deafening boom shook the walls, causing rubble to fall to the moss covered floor. A ghostly figure floated before the alter and the woman coward behind the man.

"Why have you summoned Faith?" The figure asked, its voice seemed to vibrate off the walls. 

"Please spirit." The man begged. "I've summoned you her to touch my daughter." He motioned to the bundle of fabric on the alter. 

"You know the cost of what you ask?" The spirit asked. "To restore the mind of a mage forced from the Fade?" 

"I will do whatever it takes. Pay whatever price there is." The man yelled as he fell to his knees in front of the alter. Tears pooled at the corner of his green eyes. The spirit seemed to regard him with amazement. 

"I will do as you ask." It replied after a moment. "But my price is this. You will leave this place and your daughter. You may never see her again." The couple looked at each other for a long time as they considered the spirits words. The woman nodded once to the man and stood. 

"You agree to my terms." The spirit said. "Leave, now." 

The man took the woman's hand and they walked out of the chamber. The scene before them faded to black. In the blink of an eye, Johanna found herself standing once again in her sanctuary. Her mind was reeling from the event she had just witnessed. 

"You were made human for a reason. One day you will regain the knowledge you have lost, for you have a destiny." Wisdom said softly, coming to stand in front of her once again.

"And what pary tell is this destiny?" She asked, drawing her powers forward once more. "Cause if it's losing every one I have ever loved then I would say I'm right on track!" She screamed. The wind around them picked up and the sky turned black. "All you have showed me is that I'm cursed! I lost my parents, Karl, and now Carver!" Vexation surged through her clouded mind.

"Your heart is pure. It is your greatest strength, and the pain of loss will make you stronger. But if you give into it, the darkness will destroy you." The spirit replied, unchanged by the magical storm brewing around them. 

"So you show yourself to me...looking like him!" A bolt of lightning struck the ground three feet away and flower petals whipped through the air. 

"He dreams of you." Another flash of light. "He will always love you. And you will see him again, for he has your heart just as you have his. But now is the time for you to wake up." 

The spirit was standing inches from her in a blink of an eye. Leaning down it placed a light kiss on her lips. "He dreams of you now." With those words, the field began to fade away before her. Replaced by the green murky haze of the space between the Fade and waking world. 

********************************  
Johanna opened her eyes to find a pair of blue grey orbs framed in smoke colored fur, peering back at her. "Hello Nate." She said to the kitten perched on her chest, smiling. She scratched Nate behind the ear with her left hand, and groaned. Her whole body ached, and her right hand and arm were numb. Turning her head to the side, she found the cause. She was laying in a large canopy bed in what appeared to be Fenris' dilapidated mansion. 

Anders was snoring in a chair next to the bed with a death hold on her hand. His dirty blonde hair had fallen from it's tie and all he wore was a green tunic and a pair of black leather pants. She marveled at how much younger he looked when he was sleeping. The worry lines around his face relaxed to give him a more youthful appearance, like the time before Justice merged with him. Gradually, she pulled her hand free and propped herself up on the pillows. The satin blankets fell to pool around her waist and reveal a lavender silk sift. A finger drifted up to run over her temple. No sunburst. 

The words of the "spirit" floated through her mind. You are faith, it had said. "What in the Void does that mean?" She asked Nate. The kitten merely stared back at her. He dreams of you. She could almost feel the jagged pieces of her heart cutting into her breast. Oh my love, I miss you so much. She shut her eyes in hopes of keeping the tears at bay, but only accomplished conjuring images of Carver. Drawing her knees to her chest, a sob escaped her lips. She attempted to bore the images out by shoving the heels of her palms into her eyes. 

"Johanna?" A voice from across the room dragged her from her melancholy state. Hawke stood in the doorway, a tray of food in her hands. "I'm happy to see you've finally decided to rejoin the waking world." She said, crossing the room and placing the tray on a table next to the bed. Johanna observed the other woman as she picked up a blanket from the floor and draped it over Anders' still sleeping form. "He hasn't slept in the last three days." Hawke whispered as she tenderly pushed the stray hair out if his face. It was the simplest of gestures, but Johanna could see the longing in Hawke's blue eyes. 

"He loves you." Johanna stated in a hushed tone. Hawke's hand froze in mid motion and her eyes went wide. The corners of Johanna's lips turned up into a cat like grin. "He will tell you one day. His resolve has never been as strong has he thinks it is. Just keep at it, he'll break." 

Hawke merely nodded her head in acknowledgement as she turned on her heels and walked to the door. "You know, my brother's last words before the wardens took him were of you." The look her face when she turned to Jo made her feel awkward. "He loves you more than his own life, and I don't think he would want to know that you did something this stupid." For the first time since Johanna had met her, Hawke seemed to be dead serious. "My mother looks at you like another daughter, and it would kill her to lose one more child. With all that being said, if you every do something so incredibly reckless and stupid again, I swear on Andraste's great lily white ass, I will make you regret it." Hawke's stern face vanished as quickly as it had appeared. With one last smile and a wink, she exited the the room, pulling the door to behind her.


	13. Born to Survive

         *Three Years Later*

"Come now my dear, you look wonderful." Leandra Amell called to the dressing screen from her spot next to the oldest Hawke. The two women were seated on the edge of a bed in one of the Amell estate's upper rooms. They had been there for hours while the aging woman played dress up with the newest addition to the family. 

"I look like a frosted cake!" Johanna called from the other side of the screen, causing Hawke to snort in amusement. Anders and Hawke had only been living together for two months when Leandra had insisted that Johanna move into the Hightown estate with them, stating that it was unsafe and improper for a young lady to be all lone in Darktown. In truth they had all suspected that it had more to do with Leandra wanting a daughter that she could groom into a proper lady, it being deemed far to late for Hawke. 

From the first day she had moved in, Leandra had forced Jo into all manner of lacy under garments and puffy dresses and she had obliged. Johanna had loved Leandra from the first time Carver had introduced them. The motherly woman had taken her in as one of her own and had went as far as to insist that Johanna call her Mother. Now she examined her reflection in the full size mirror and wondered if this was some kind of punishment the Maker had concocted. The dress in question was a ruffled number in pale pink with bows, quit literally, everywhere. 

"I'm sure it is lovely." Leandra replied, casting a fierce look at her daughter. "Come, let us see."   
Taking a deep breath, Johanna stepped out into the light of the fire that crackled merrily in the hearth. 

"Nope, she was right! She does look like a frosted cake!" Hawke laughed. Johanna stuck her tonge out at the giggle mage. Leandra stood and circled Johanna, her hands smoothing out the long skirt. 

"I think you look beautiful." She said with a proud smile, coming to stand in front of her. At Johanna's distressed look she added, "You only have to wear it to the dinner tomorrow night." 

"Thank you, Mother." She said, leaning down as best she could to give the kind woman a hug. "Now may I change?" She asked.

"Yes. We have things to do today that don't call for fancy dresses." Hawke said after catching her breath. Standing she moved around to help Jo out of the dress. Leandra gave one last smile before taking her leave. As she opened the bedroom door a voice called out.

"Is it safe to enter the torture chamber?" Anders joked from the hallway. Leandra gave him a brief nod as she passed, and he slid in, closing the door behind him. "Is that what you're wearing to meet the Arishok?" He laughed, gesturing to the monstrosity of a dress. "I don't think the qunari leader will be impressed by a pretty girl in a ugly dress." 

"Well look who has a sense of humor today." Johanna retorted, stepping out of the garment. "Pass me my real clothes, would you?" She pointed to a pair of black leather leggings and a crimson tunic folded neatly on the bed. He handed her the clothes and shot a wanton look at Hawke, who was hanging dresses back into a large wardrobe. Johanna caught the look and with a wicked grin said loudly, "And would the two of you try to keep your ruckus down at night. Some people do try to sleep in this house you know." 

Hawke spun on her heels, casting her eyes at her boots, and both parties blushed a vivid shade of red. Jo smiled widely as she pulled the tunic over her head. Sitting on the bed, she put on her tight high boots and finished lacing up her matching black corset. Anders handed her three daggers from off her small night stand. Shoveing the smallest one into her boot, she stood and placed the other two on her hips as she walked to where her staff rested against a wall. 

"Ready?" Hawke asked, striding to the door and pulling it open. "Fenris is probably waiting outside." Johanna and Anders followed her out of the room and down the stairs to the front doors. Sure enough, when they stepped out into the afternoon sun, they found the broody elf leaning against the outer wall. 

"What took so long?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. The summer sun glinted off of his silvery white hair and his tanned skin contrasted with the blue tint of his lyrium tattoos.

"I had to pay penance for staying for last week's Wicked Grace game." Jo said, rolling her eyes.

"Is that what the Choirboy said it was?" Anders asked with a laugh as they started walking. "Choirboy" had become Varric's nickname for the newest member of their little gang, Prince Sabastian Vael of Starkhaven. The dashing exiled rouge archer, now lay brother to the Chantry, had become a valued member to the group and had eyes only for the Maker's bride.

As the group headed for the docks where the qunari compound was located, the elf fell into step beside Johanna. "More lace dresses and diner parties?" He asked as they walked. 

"Yes! It's getting out of control!" She said, throwing her hands in the air. "But I cannot tell her no." 

The elven warrior flashed her one of his rare smiles. "That's because you are to nice, no matter how ruthless you try to be." 

Johanna scoffed. "I can be just as ruthless as you." She said, placing her hands on her hips. Fenris held out his hands in defense.

"I'm not saying you are soft. When it comes to fighting I think you could surpass even Hawke. But with the people you love, your heart is too big." He clarified. They had come to the docks and the qunari compound. One of the giant horned warriors stepped in the path, blocking the gate. 

"Your Arishok has summoned me." Hawke said from the front of the group. The grey giant stepped aside, allowing them to pass. The smell of saltwater and rotted fish made Johanna want to gag, stopping in her tracks she caught hold of Anders coat sleeve. 

"I think I will just go to the Hangedman. This place makes me uncomfortable." She said, pulling the hood of her cloak up over her head. 

Her brother looked at her with concern. After the events of the Gallows he had become even more over protecting than before. "I'll go with you." He began to alert Hawke when Jo placed a delecet finger on his partly open lips. 

"I'll be fine, Anders. I can handle walking in broad daylight." She said with a reassuring smile. 

He gave her one last look before she turned around and walked out of the compound. She took the stairs up to Lowtown two at a time in a hurry to make it to her destination. There was a much different reason for her leaving the group, other than the stomach turning smell of the docks. 

For the last two months Johanna had been sneaking out to meet up with one of the Templars from the Gallows. As the tavern came into view, Johanna ducked into a side ally where the two had been holding their secret meetings. A stack of wooden barrels at the mouth of the ally provided cover from the busy market street. 

"Emeric?" She called to the shadows of the ally. 

"I am here, my lady." Came a voice from the other side of the pathway. The elderly templar stepped into the small patch of sunlight in the center of the ally. His long grey hair was slightly matted to his forehead and neck by sweat and he looked a little out of breath, as if he had been running. "You were not followed?" He asked, looking her up and down. 

"No. The others are at the compound." She answered. She closed the few feet between them, reaching into her pack for a stamina draft and handing it to the aged man who accepted it with a greatfull smile. 

"Thank you, my lady." He said as he removed the stopper and downed the yellowish liquid. "I am getting to old for this." He added, wiping his mouth with the back of a hand. 

"Your message said you had new information on the missing women." This had been the nature of their meeting for the last few months. Together the two unlikely partners had been working on a string of missing women from all over Kirkwall. So far every led had ended in a dead end but the two refused to stop their search. It all but comsumed Johanna who had been taking more and more dangerous risks in the last three years, dispite Hawke's warring and Emeric's worry. After the last steak out ended in them being surrounded by greater shade demons and Johanna taking an almost fatal wound in the chest, Emeric had been ready to call off the whole thing. Johanna had simply gotten to her feet and smiled at him, "Don't worry about me," she had said all too sweetly, "I was born to survive." 

"I believe I may have found our man." He said now, handing her a small piece of fabric. Turning it in her hand Johanna could just make out the faded remains of a family crest. Looking up at him with a slightly puzzled exasperation, she handed the new clue back to the warrior. "That is the crest of the DuPuis family." He added. 

"DuPuis?" She asked, running her fingers through her long hair. "That name sounds familiar, I think I met someone with that name at one of Mother's diner parties. Gascard, I believe his name was." 

"That would be him. The thing is, we cannot just acuse a noble of being a murderer and a blood mage without proof." Emeric pointed out, resting his hands on the pummel of his sword. 

"Then we get the proof we need." She shot back at him. "I'll break into his mansion tonight and find out what he's been up to." 

Emeric's firm hand gripped her elbow and there was an intensity in his gray eyes that gave her pause. But the moment passed and Johanna stared back at him with all the furry she had. She knew where this was going and she honestly did not care. 

"My lady, I cannot allow you to do that." He said with as much authority has he could muster. "If anything were to happen to you-" 

"I am no damsel in need of protecting, Emeric." She spat, cutting him off. "When you came to me with this, we both agreed that I was capable of handling the danger involved." Jerking her arm out of his embrace she fixed him with an icy green glare. After a few awkward moments Emeric tossed his hands into the air and let out a sound of defeat.   
"Fine!" He cried as he pinched the bridge of his nose between a thumb and index finger. "But I will not be able to go with you this time." 

"I can handle it myself." She said, placing a reassuring hand on the man's shoulder. "Trust me." 

**************************  
In the years since the events in the Gallows and her enlightened dream, Johanna had found herself in her small corner of the Fade every night, always watched by the wisdom spirit. Here she trained her mind and her body, pushing herself beyond the limits of a normal mage. Now she stood in the smoking remains of the wildflower field. Her breathing was ragged and sweat poured from her body.   
"I wonder, do you seek danger to bring about your own end or to test the limits of your powers?" Came her father's voice from behind her. 

She turned to find Wisdom standing three feet away, his hands clasped behind his back, examining her with a critical eye. "Or perhaps it is to find meaning. The feeling of what it is to live once more?" He continued when she did not respond. "The absence of him has left you feeling numb when you are not fighting, and only anger when you do. You must push beyond the anger and hate, and not allow it to corrupt your pure heart." 

"I have a question for you." She said through bared teeth. "Why is it you bring me here every night just to ask me annoying riddles?" 

Squeezing her eyes shut, she called to the demon that lurked on the edge of her barriers. Within seconds two shades appeared before her. The grotesque creatures made a bee line for her, clawed hands reaching out to rip at her body. 

Lightning danced at the tips of her long fingers, and she drew her daggers from her hip. The first shade lunged at her torso. Spinning on her heels, she dodged the monster's attack and planted an electrified blade in its back, causing it to shriek in rage as it burned away. The second demon charged. With blinding speed, Johanna sent herself flying over the beast, landing in a graceful crouch behind it. A wicked smile graced her angelic face as the shade erupted in a shower of flames. 

Wisdom came to stand before her, now wearing Carver's features. "You try to hide behind your sarcasm and your skills, but you are still the same woman." He said shaking his head. "You have made yourself stronger but your heart is still hurting." He knelt down so that he was at eye level with her, and gently pushed her auburn hair behind her ear. "It is time to wake." Placing a soft kiss on her temple, everything began to fade to black around her. 

**************************  
Johanna awoke to the darkness of her bed chamber. Rolling over to peer out the open window, she could just make out the hour. 

"Well shit." She whispered to the empty room as she kicked the blanket off. She had over slept. Quickly she got up and began gathering her equipment. Placing her daggers in their holders, she pulled her pack out from under the bed and added a few fresh bottles of poition before picking up her staff and walking over to the opened window. 

This was not the first time she had to sneak out of the mansion. Ever since Emeric first contacted her about his investigation, Johanna had kept their meetings a secret from the others. In fact, she had found that she was rather good at slipping out of the mansion without notice. A skill that she attributed to Isabela's influence. 

Opening the chest at the foot of the window, she retrieved a length of rope. Surcuring it to a post of the bed she stood on the window ledge, took a deep breath, and jumped. 

Cool night air rushed through her hair and whipped at her face. The rope snapped tight three feet from the stone courtyard below. Johanna climbed down the rest of the way and, once at the bottom, pulled the hood of her cloak over her head. The rouge leather armor she wore for these missions did little for warmth and she pulled the white cloak tighter around her body as she made her way around the side of the mansion and out to the dark streets of Hightown. 

It was a short walk from home to the DePuis estate and she made her journey without any incident. Creeping up to the main door, Johanna jiggled the door knob only to find it locked. Kneeling down, she drew a dagger from her boot and slid it between the door and framework. With one quick thrust, the door sprang open before her. 

Thank you Nathaniel. She thought as she replaced the dagger and stood. With one last glance over her shoulder, she moved stealthily into the main entrance. The house smelled musty with mold and a fine layer of dust covered the furniture. 

"Breaking and entering now? What would Leandra have to say about this?" 

Johanna nearly came straight out of her skin at the sound of the voice behind her. Spinning so fast she almost lost her balance, she met the disapproving gaze of Fenris. He stood just inside the doorway, arms crossed over his armored chest.

"What are you doing here?" She hissed at the elf, allowing the magic at her fingertips to die. In one graceful stride, he came to stand beside her and took a firm grasp on her left wrist. 

"I saw you from my window, and you looked like you were up to no good. I followed you and now I'm taking home." He jerked her wrist with enough might to cause her to lose balance, forcing her to catch herself with a hand on his breast plate. 

"No." She gasped. Leveling him with a challenging gaze, Johanna attempted to yank her arm free, only to find Fenris tightening his hold. "Fenris, please. I need to find this guy." She pleaded, changing her tactic. 

"Why?" He asked, his stern expression unaltered. He watched as she fidgeted from foot to foot, debating how much she should tell him. Biteing her bottom lip she inhaled deeply and gave him a over all summary of the events from the last few months and everything her and Emeric had uncovered. 

"We've narrowed it down to this Gascard DePuis guy." She finished. When his grip did not loosen she let out a frustrated huff. "Fenris, look, ten women are missing, most likely dead, and I want to catch the bastard responsible. Please, let me do this." 

At first Johanna thought her pleas had fallen on death ears when the elf's death hold did not slacken. She allowed her eyes to fall to the floor, all the work Emeric and herself had put into their investigation was wasted. This had been her one chance to prove that she could handle herself. Her mind floated to the conversation she had had in the Fade with Wisdom. 

'Or perhaps it is to find meaning. The feeling of what it is to live once more.'

The spirit was right and, worst of all, she knew it. This was all just to feel again. The danger, the intrigue, had all been to banish the solitary feelings she had left. It had been three years, and still the only things in her heart were the pain of losing Carver and anger for not being able to stop it. Every morning, after her mind left the Fade, she would put on a mask of happiness and pretend. 

A single tear escaped it's confines, and moved lazily down her cheek. She turned away from her friend in an attempt to hide it, allowing herself to plunge head first into a river of self pity, inhabited by demons waiting to ripe at her. Before she knew it, she was pulled from the clutches of her inner demons by an icy steel claw, sweeping away the stray tear, then moving to cup her cheek. He gently turned her face to look at him, and there was understanding in his handsome eyes. 

"Come on." He said, pulling her by the hand back into the mansion's entryway. "Let's get this done and get you back home before the abomina- I mean your brother finds out you are gone." 

"Oh!! Thank you, Fenris!" She through her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. When she pulled back She could just make out a tinge of red creeping across his high cheekbones. Suppressing a girlish giggle, she swung around and headed for a table standing at the foot of the staircase. "Keep your eyes out for anything we can use as evidence." She called for her shoulder in a hushed tone. 

There was little in the main room. Cobweds clung to almost every surface and a thick film of grim on the windows kept the moonlight from penetrating the gloom of the place. Reaching for a envelope addressed to Gascard, Johanna got the uneasy feeling of being watched. No sooner had her fingers brushed the parchment did her suspicions prove right. As if they had heard her thoughts, the burnt ozone smell of the Fade filled the room and four shade demons materialized behind them.

**Author's Note:**

> ***So this my first story ever and I truly hope you enjoy it!! Please let me know what you think.***


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